padme's devotions

Fun quiz

2009-04-26T16:42:00.000-07:00

You Color Your Life With Vibrant Brightness

You are an energetic person who's obsessed with ideas and modern.

You love technology, and you like to be on the cutting edge of things.

You tend to be a little materialistic. You you love to shop.

You love sophisticated and dramatic things. You were born to live in the heart of the city.

How Do You Color Your Life?

Travel quiz

2009-01-26T11:42:00.000-08:00

Travel Horoscope for Libra

When you travel, you want to relax and laze around.

You want a vacation that doesn't demand too much of you. It's time to refuel.

You should travel to:

Napa Valley

Morocco

Ireland

The Gold Coast of Australia

Any small private island

What's Your Travel Horoscope?

Cupcake quiz

2008-11-24T09:46:00.000-08:00

What Your Cupcake Says About You

At parties, you tend to be a social butterfly. You enjoy making conversation and making sure everyone is having fun.

You have a fair amount of restraint in your life, but you don't go overboard. You let yourself enjoy life.

The most important thing in your life is fun.

You are laid back, flexible, and easy to get along with. To know you is to care for you.

The Cupcake Test

Quiz

2008-08-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

What Your Latte Says About You

When it comes to what you like, you have your own unique tastes. And people don't really understand them.

You can be quite silly at times, but you know when to buckle down and be serious.

Intense and energetic, you aren't completely happy unless you are bouncing off the walls.

You're addicted to caffeine. There's no denying it.

You are responsible, mature, and truly an adult. You're occasionally playful, but you find it hard to be carefree.

You are expressive and friendly, but you are never pushy.

What Does Your Latte Say About You?

Summer quiz

2008-07-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

You Are a Summer Person

You are energetic, outgoing, and active.

You love to be out and about... hanging out with friends or getting things done.

Summer is the perfect time for you to be as hyper as you want to be.

In fact, during the rest of the year you feel half-asleep!

Are You a Winter Person or a Summer Person?

Beach quiz

2008-06-30T12:30:00.000-07:00

You Should Spend Your Summer at the Beach

You're a free spirit who is always thinking of new ways to have fun.

And you don't just love summer... you live for it.

So, you really should blow off your responsibilities and head to the beach!

Where Should You Spend Your Summer?

Fun quiz

2008-05-28T12:03:00.000-07:00

You Are a Bad Girl

You are 30% Good and 70% Bad

You're a total bad girl, from your wild hair to tattooed toes.

But you're too badass to even care if you're labeled "bad"!

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

Quiz

2008-05-19T13:21:00.000-07:00

You Are Coffee Ice Cream

Energetic and lively, you are always on the go.

You're doing a million things at once and doing them well.

You tend to motivate others and raise spirits.

You are most compatible with chocolate ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Flip flop test

2008-05-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

What Your Flip Flops Say About You

You are hopeful and romantic. You love many people and many things.

You aren't unrealistic, but you do imagine things in the most ideal way possible.

You are a dreamer. If something exists, you've probably thought about it.

You don't think about what is, you think about what could be.

Your ideal warm weather place: Fiji

The Flip Flop Test

Thinking of Master..

2008-04-29T15:47:00.000-07:00

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Quiz

2008-04-25T10:42:00.000-07:00

Your Personality at 35,000 Says...

Deep down, you prefer spending time alone to spending time with others. You enjoy thinking more than talking.

You are finding your place in the world, but you still feel overwhelmed. There's a lot of choices out there!

Your gift is having a good eye. You take amazing picture and have the natural talent for most visual arts.

You are inspired by great thinkers and heroes. You find human accomplishment riveting.

Your life has a lot of ups and downs, but things generally end up being pretty positive. It's one big emotional roller coaster, that's for certain.

The Personality Test at 35,000 Feet

For Master...

2008-04-23T11:13:00.000-07:00

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Thinking of you....

Love Your padme

xoxoxo

Central park pictures

2008-04-14T09:59:00.000-07:00

We took some pictures at Central park in Burnaby, BC this weekend and Master Anakin used his new camera. I wanted to share some of them on my blog and decided to put them on padme's devotions instead of Journey. I loved walking around the lake and seeing all the wildlife and relaxing. :)

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Quiz

2008-04-08T11:29:00.000-07:00

You Are a Chocolate Cake

Fun, comforting, and friendly.

You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality.

People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.

What Kind of Cake Are You?

Missing padme's devotions

2008-03-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

I decided to stop by this blog today and check it out. I really miss posting here sometimes. It felt more private than Journey to the Darkside as a lot less people were reading here. I miss having my own special space to write in also and a place to write to my Master. I may start writing here again. I just wanted to say hi and see if anyone was still reading this blog.

May the force be with you.

~padme amidala

The last blog post for padme's devotions

2007-09-18T09:35:00.001-07:00

I am having too many problems keeping up with three blogs. I have my diet blog and Journey to the Darkside and this one is now lacking. I have nothing to write here as I now write all my feelings in Journey to the Darkside. My reason for creating this blog was to create a space to write to Master Anakin. But in the end, this blog turned out more about quiz's and I wasn't sure what to write about. I will leave this post up but do not plan to post here again. This is my final post for padme's devotions.

Thank you to all who supported and linked to padme's devotions. It was a good blog to come to when I needed to communicate with Master Anakin.

May the force be with you.

~padme amidala

Starbucks quiz

2007-09-05T11:24:00.000-07:00

Mocha Frappuccino

Hyper and driven, you'll take your caffeine any way you can get it. Frappuccinos are good, but you'd probably chew coffee beans in a crunch!

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

Crescent Beach yesterday

2007-08-30T13:51:00.001-07:00

We had a family day at Crescent Beach, White Rock and had some beach time. Here are a few photos from the beach as we watched a summertime sunset. :)

May the force be with you.

~padme amidala

am I really vanilla?

2007-08-29T13:41:00.000-07:00

You Are A Vanilla Ice Cream Girl

Flexible. Easygoing. Classic.

What Flavor Ice Cream Girl Are You?

Another quiz

2007-08-23T12:31:00.000-07:00

You Are A Maple Tree

There's not anyone in this world quite like you.
You are full of imagination, ambition, and originality.
Shy but confident, you hunger for new experiences.
You have a good memory and learn easily.
You are sometimes nervous and always complex (especially in love).

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

A quiz

2007-08-15T12:37:00.001-07:00

Your Travel Personality Is: Easygoing

When you travel, you're looking for a lot of downtime. Vacations are your chance to recoup.
All you need is a scenic spot and plenty of time on your hands. You'll figure out the rest.
You're not one to make lots of plans when you travel. You just follow whatever path seems right.

What's Your Travel Personality?

Quiz

2007-07-24T13:16:00.000-07:00

You are Brigitte Bardot

Naurally sensual and beautiful
You're an exotic beauty who turns heads everywhere
You've got a look that's one of a kind

What Famous Pinup Are You?

Deep cove paradise

2007-07-10T12:29:00.000-07:00

I have found paradise. Master Anakin introduced me to Deep Cove in North Vancouver and I am now addicted. I want to be there...I want to live there. It's my paradise. The water is perfect...the smell of the fresh ocean air...the quaint shops and restaurants...the people...the atmosphere...the mountains...the beach and the beautiful sights...Deep Cove is paradise and has everything I could ever want in a place. Master and I have been talking a lot about moving out to North Vancouver and I admit I have so many fantasies about what kind of place we'll get out there. What kind of a life for us it would be like living out there. It's on my mind a lot right now...a move out there and how that would change so many things...

On a day like today when it's hot and I am wishing I was somewhere else...I think of Deep Cove and want to get into the car and head back out there for the day.

All of these pictures today are of Deep Cove. In one of the pics a woman was jumping off the pier into the water. Another picture is of the boats and ocean part. It was just so beautiful there...

So where is paradise for you?? Where do you wish you were right now?

May the force be with you, Master....i miss you....

~padme amidala

Memories of the Golden Gate Bridge

2007-07-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

Adam left a comment here at padme's devotions about the Golden Gate Bridge. It brought back some really good memories for me of being at the Golden Gate Bridge last summer for our summer holiday. What a trip that was!! I loved walking down that bridge looking out at Alcatraz and San Fran. It was so beautiful...not a cloud in the sky that day. The fresh ocean air and the linger of fish and chips that we had for lunch at the Fisherman's wharf still in my mouth...it was a perfect day that I will never forget. In the one picture I am looking out towards San Fran and close to the Golden Gate Bridge about to walk across it. I didn't want to leave that place...it was just so beautiful!! I wish I could be back there this summer.

What are your favorite summer holiday memories? I'd love to hear Master's and other people's memories...of different places they went on their summer vacation which they still think about and wish they could be back there.

May the force be with you!

~padme amidala

Longing for the beach

2007-06-27T11:58:00.000-07:00

Before I go into my post for Master....I just wanted to put up a note for anyone that reads or links to padme's devotions. I have updated padme's devotions and in the process lost links. If anyone is linked to this blog and not linked back, please let me know and I'll add you right away. It was nice to have a new template and start from scratch. I'm trying to make padme's devotions a little place of my own that is different than my other blog, Journey to the Darkside. I really appreciate those people who stop by and comment here. I hope everyone likes the new template here and will come back again and continue to say hello. :)

....

Master Anakin,
I am longing for the beach right now. To be out in the ocean air and away from all the worries and stresses that are going on. The last few days have been pretty stressful. I found myself looking at pictures this morning of our Vancouver Aquarium and Stanley Park day a few weeks ago. How incredibly wonderful that day was and how happy I felt. I felt so connected to Master and I really felt like I needed a day like that. Looking for seashells along the beach and snuggling up together while looking out at the Lions Gate Bridge. There was a slight fog that day which made it look so surreal. I really felt alive...I felt happy.

Last week was a major cleaning of our place to get ready for the birthday bbq of our daughter and then the party and this week has been cleaning up from it and also having my kid's home from school and all the changes that are going to happen because of it. My nice and quiet mornings have been replaced to loud fighting and cartoons in the background. I no longer have my morning masturbation or time to read sexy blogs or have a cup of coffee on my own. I love my kid's but summer is always a difficult time. I lose me time. I know as a slave I figure that I shouldn't get any me time, that my time should all be Master's. But...when I lose out on me time...I get irritable and cranky and withdraw from everything. I need time to enjoy a coffee in silence or a chance to read a good book all alone or even watch a t-show like the food network with no one around to bug me about the romote control.

The other day I tried to ask Master for reminders of my slavery. He seemed to get annoyed with me for asking. I hate being a needy slave...I hate that I can't just go a few days without needing the constant reassurance about our Master/slave relationship but I tend to really need it extra when I am stressed. I feel like we went from him extremely controlling my every move last weekend to...him being too busy for me. We havn't fucked in days. He hasn't spanked me in days. He has barely touched me in days. I'm starving for affection and love right now...

I havn't blogged for Master in a long time now. padme's devotions has sort of become padme's quiz's. lol. Not that the quiz's aren't fun but they are making up for the posts I should be doing here and those are posts for Master. I should be telling him my thoughts and feelings. I tried yesterday to share how stressed I am and how much I needed him...I'm not sure if he heard me. I know he's stressed with his own worries but he really needs to know that I'm drowning...I need him right now.

I'm trying to hold onto the fact that there is a upcoming long weekend and that we will have alone time as our daughter is gone on her trip and our son on his. We will have extra time together to try to connect again and hopefully come together again. I miss him. I really long for him. I long for the control and His dominance and force. I hope to get into blogging again on padme's devotions to share more of my thoughts and feelings to Master. I feel like I havn't been opening up like I should be about how I am feeling. It's my job as a slave to share what is going on with me...good or bad. To let him know when I really need him.

Yesterday it would have been my Bah Bah's birthday. I thought about her all day. I really miss her presence in my life. Sometimes I honestly felt like she was one of the few people in my family to really know me and understand me. I came close to tears a few times yesterday thinking of how much I miss her in my heart....she's been gone now for almost ten years but sometimes it feels like just yesterday when I was sitting on her porch swing with her. I wonder if this pain in my heart from her passing will ever go away. Many told me it would get easier but it hasn't. I feel a real hole in my heart.

Tommorow it will be exactly 7 years since Master and I conceieved our son. That was such a beautiful experience...creating a child together. I hope Master knows that I really loved being pregnant with his son. I think Bah Bah would have really been proud to see both of my kid's and how grown up they have become. She never got to meet my son but I know she'd be happy I gave him a good Russian name. I also named my kitty a Russian name also. I'm even trying to do more reading about Russian history as I know she'd like that. :)

My chores are done and I'm going to rest a bit. We are going out to shop this afternoon.

May the force be with you Master...

~padme amidala

Fun quiz

2007-06-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

Quiz

2007-06-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

What color is your soul painted?

Red

Your soul is painted the color red, which embodies the characteristics of love, strength, physical energy, sex, passion, courage, protection, excitement, speed, leadership, power, danger, and respect. Red is the color of the element Fire, and is associated with blood, life and death, birth, volcanoes, and intense emotions.

Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

Day at the Vancouver Aquarium

2007-06-18T12:55:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to share some pictures that we took on Saturday when we had our day out at the Vancouver Aquarium. We took our son there and spent a wonderful day there looking at the different fishes and reptiles and even butterflies in the tropics zone there. It was so much fun! I always enjoy going there and I really love Stanley park. We headed down to the ocean after the aquarium and I enjoyed a hot coffee snuggling up to Master Anakin watching the ocean waves crash in and our son hunt for sea shells and live crabs. It was so relaxing and much needed. I always enjoy our days downtown and seeing Stanley park and going to the Aquarium.

It was one of those magicial types of days where you feel good to be alive. Smelling the ocean air and looking at the wonderful sights of Stanley park. I remembered many memories that I had in that park through the years. We headed downtown after to do some shopping. Got some organic desserts and Tequila/Lime sauce which we used on our prawns yesterday. It was delicious! I love going shopping at Capers. I really wish there was one close to us.

We had a pizza dinner with our son in one of the pizza places down on Robson Street. I really enjoyed being down there. It is always so much fun to people watch and shop in the local shops down there. We came back to a family movie and then put our son to bed for some naughty play. I felt so relaxed and close to Master Anakin. A terrific way to spend a Saturday!

Saturday is on my mind so much today. Wishing we could be back in Stanley park together. I miss Master. He's on my mind and he is my force.

Well I better get started on cleaning the bathroom. Master has me on domestic duties this week to get ready for our big bbq birthday for our daughter this weekend. There feels like so much to do!! Time to get my butt in gear and get started on the huge list of things to do this week.

I love you Master Anakin!! May the force be with you!

~padme amidala

Neat quiz from searabbit

2007-06-11T08:19:00.000-07:00

You're a Chi!

Discover Your Sexual Personality
Brought to you by Tickle

Quiz for a Friday night

2007-06-08T16:28:00.000-07:00

You Are A Margarita Martini

You are a full on partier, with a good deal of sass and spunk.
You're always friendly and welcoming - and very tolerant of obnoxious drunks.

You should never: Drink and dance. The pictures will be everywhere the next morning!

Your ideal party: Is loud, with good music and fun drinking games.

Your drinking soulmates: Those with a Dirty Martini personality

Your drinking rivals: Those with a Classic Martini personality

What Flavor Martini Are You?

I knew it! I really AM a bad girl!

2007-06-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

You Are a Bad Girl

You are 20% Good and 80% Bad
You're a total bad girl, from your wild hair to tattooed toes.
But you're too badass to even care if you're labeled "bad"!

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

quiz

2007-06-04T16:42:00.000-07:00

Your Russian Name Is...

Khristyna Nakita Popov

What's" Your Russian Name?

Quiz from greenwoman

2007-05-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

You are The Empress
Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.
The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.
The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I miss you Master!!

2007-05-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of SparkleTags.com

I wanted to do a quick blog post today for Master Anakin. I wanted to let him know that I miss him today and enjoyed our extra long weekend together. It was very nice to have 4 days together. It was a crazy weekend but I really loved my time with him. I love him so much and today I can't stop thinking about last night and how connected I feel to him. I feel so deeply submissive in my heart....

I love you Master Anakin!! Now, always and forever...my heart belongs to you....

May the force be with you Master!!

~padme amidala

Thank you Master!

2007-05-13T10:16:00.000-07:00

Thank you Master for taking me to the beach yesterday and treating me to a wonderful day!! I'm truly a very lucky slave girl. I thought I'd put up more beach photo's yesterday to remember our day at the White Rock beach! I LOVE YOU Master Anakin!!!

May the force be with you Master....

~padme amidala

10,000 hits!!!

2007-05-11T12:54:00.000-07:00

Wow...padme's devotions is now over 10,000 hits!! It's not as many as Journey to the Darkside which is my other blog with Master Anakin. I'm glad to have my own little blog for posting in. It's helped me to sort out my feelings sometimes. I feel bad I havn't been posting as much here. It's hard to try to keep up with two blogs. I will try better. :) That kitty photo reminded me of a baby Meisha....soooooooo cute!! I love our furrylicious kitty...she's still a kitten in her heart. :)

I'm so glad it's Friday!! I can't wait til Master is home. Pizza, merlot, playtime, spankings, fucking, time together....I just LOVE Friday nights!! It's truly my most favorite night of the whole week. I can't wait til he's home and we can spend some time together before play time. I miss Master. I miss being in the hood. Feeling his whip...or paddle...or crop. I am really missing his control over me right now. I really want Darth to cum out and play. :)

I'm hoping Master will read this and get an idea of what is on my mind today...

Love you Master...

May the force be with you!!

~padme amidala

Quiz

2007-05-10T17:02:00.001-07:00

Find out your Spider-Man personality at LiquidGeneration!

Harrison Hot Springs

2007-04-30T15:57:00.000-07:00

Master Anakin,

Thank you for taking me back to our special place by the lake on Saturday. I have thought about it a lot and I really enjoyed going back through time at our special place. Nothing feels better than we are alone (or with our kid's) at Harrison. It brings job into my heart and romance into my soul. Reminds me of our honeymoon and the love that we feel at that place together. You gave me such a romantic and wonderful day at Harrison and a wonderful buffet dinner at the resort. I felt so calm and peaceful...away from everyone and everything. You truly do know me better than anyone else...and you knew that I needed a reminder of our love and past. I needed to be reminded that there is beauty in our love and in Harrison....and that it will always hold the memories of the past but also hopefully more beautiful times in the future. I honestly imagine us retiring there...old and grey...sitting out on our porches looking out at the lake. Knowing that we had so many special and wonderful times there together.

I truly, deeply love you, Master. You gave me a day I won't forget...and you've given me the most beautiful memories of my life. I can't honestly imagine my life without you in it ....

I adore you.

Love Your padme amidala

xoxoxoxo

Missing Master Anakin...

2007-04-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of SparkleTags.com

I havn't posted in my padme's devotions blog for a while. I wanted to write a quick blog post to Master Anakin today letting him know that I am missing him so much and love him!! He's my true force and I am really enjoying our life together right now. I can't wait til he's home and we can start our weekend together...

I love you Master Anakin!!

~May the force be with you, Master!

~padme amidala

meme

2007-04-18T07:49:00.001-07:00

Find out how totally 80's are you at LiquidGeneration!

Happy 3 year wedding anniversary Master!!

2007-04-10T20:54:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of SparkleTags.com

Happy anniversary Master!! Thank you for a wonderful trip to Edmonton, Alberta and so much play and fun and spoiling me rotten. The hood, earrings, flowers, breakfast today, outfit and all the different stuff you gave to me...THANK YOU!!! I feel so happy and lucky today and deeply in love with you!!

I am going to have a hard time tommorow with you going back to work and trying to get back to normal again. The last week has just been absolutely incredible!! My force is soooo strong!

I love you so much!!

May the force be with you Master!

~padme amidala

Happy Easter!

2007-04-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of SparkleTags.com

Counting down the days

2007-04-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

I am counting down the days and trying very hard to look forward to our trip to Edmonton coming up on Friday. I really wish this darn cold would go away. It has come on so strong and it's one where I can't stop blowing my nose or sneezing. I had thought it was allergies but I know now it's a full blown cold. I sure Master doesn't get it before the trip. I hope to fight it so hard so it's gone by Friday.

I havn't posted in this blog in a while and I have considered even deleting it but I decided today to try to write something for Master. I miss him. I need him. I need my "Daddy". I need him to take care of me. I hate being sick and I feel yucky and want to curl up in bed with him tucking me in. I'm really glad he is going to have five days off so we can spend some time together. This trip is going to be so good for us.

I asked him to be very dominant on our trip. Just like the way he was on our honeymoon. I loved how he was on that trip...he took care of all the details and I was told how and what to do the way he wanted it. I really long for some time to just be on a leash (which I hope to pack for the trip) or tied up helpless. I've been reading a new book which is excellent and highly erotic. I wish I could be on Surrender Island sometimes like that woman in the book. Where all I do and think of is my slavery. Real life gets in the way so often...between his work, the kid's, the housework, the day to day stuff...it literally exhausts me sometimes. I want nothing more than to just be a slave for a while...have all the responsibilities taken away from me..to be locked away or tied up for him. Where my soul purpose is to serve him and be a slave.

I've been feeling more submissive since Saturday. It has felt good to remember my place and to be controlled. Saturday night he knew I needed a beating and he gave it to me good. I still have marks on my ass and I don't bruise like I used to. It felt so good on Saturday night to be on a leash for him...to be a pet to him. To just feel so utterly submissive in my heart.

Our 3 year wedding anniversary is coming up and I have been thinking a lot about our wedding and honeymoon. How far we have come since I signed the TPE agreement on my wedding night to Master. I don't think I will ever forget how it felt that night I became his wife and slave...all in one night like that. Our sex was electric...the connection was so intense. The way he took me after I signed that agreement. I loved our honeymoon. (before the car broke down and all the after stuff) I just remember thinking that I felt so owned and so lucky and so incredibly in love.

This time of the year is so important for Master and I...it's "our time". We tend to spend the quality time together and remember why we married...why we wanted TPE. What we both had hoped for. Through our struggles and our bumps along the way...we have come so far in our journey together.

I hope Master knows that I love him like no other...that I adore him so much. That I love to serve him and I surrender my body, mind and soul to him....

I can't wait for a few days away ...where we can be in a different city and do some very naughty things and shop for naughty toys and play play play!!

Damn this cold!! I am going to fight it and try so hard to not be sick for it....

I love you Master!!

May the force be with you, Master...

~padme amidala

A afternoon in Richmond

2007-03-26T13:36:00.000-07:00

I put more pictures from our day out in Richmond yesterday. These two pictures are more from our afternoon there. I put two other ones on Journey to the Darkside. This water show was really neat and great to watch. This was at Aberdeen center. I also put up one more from the beach at Steveston. It was so beautiful there and I really enjoyed watching the sun set there last night with Master and our children. It was relaxing and really helped set my mind free with anxiety and stress. I feel a inner calm and peace today that I havn't felt in a while. I am missing Master but excited about our trip which is getting closer. I felt close to Master yesterday after a lot of tension between us lately. I felt reconnected and it helps me with all areas of my life when things are right with him.

I'm so glad we agreed to put aside all worries and stress on our trip to Edmonton and concentrate on us fully on our trip. Our 3 year wedding anniversary is coming up and I am very happy to be going away for some Master/slave time. I'm going on orgasm denial on Sunday and plan to dye my hair very light blonde for the trip. I can't wait!! I'm so excited!

I feel like I'm coming out of a very long depression...and I sense hope today for the first time in a long time. I'm going to go out and enjoy some sunshine while it's here...and appreciate it and appreciate the rest.

I miss you Master....loving you now and always....

May the force be with you, Master...

~padme amidala

Rain rain go away...

2007-03-24T15:44:00.000-07:00

Rain rain go away...come again another day. I'm so sick and tired of this rain. We have had so much rainfall this March. It's affected me a lot. This last week has been pretty bad for me. I am upset about many different things going on. I found out that S and I are no longer friend's. It's hard to walk away from my best friend who I have known almost 7 years. I'm trying to deal with it all. I have family stuff going on also. I was able to catch up with my sister this morning and it was great to talk to her. It's hard to hear about my Dad and other members of the family. So much drama which never seems to end. I'm physically and emotionally drained and I havn't felt too great. I'm worried about my grandma who isn't doing very well. I just have felt stressed out.

I've been deeply depressed the last few days. It's been hard to get out of bed. Spring break I was stuck inside with two kid's and not able to do my walks or exercise very much. My diet is out of whack because I want to eat all the time. I am a emotional eater and I want to eat comfort foods when I am feeling crappy. I don't even want to try to weigh myself.

I havn't felt very submissive the last while. I'm still wearing my collar and serving Master but I don't feel like my usual subbie self. This usually tends to happen during my period. My sex drive goes down and I feel like crap and depressed. This month's seems very bad for me though. The weather isn't helping though with my mood and I'm also anemic I believe. I seem pale and very fatigued. I don't eat red meats and that tends to really affect me during my period with all the blood that I lose. Ever since going off the pill my periods are way heavier than they used to be. Major yuck! I quess I should go see the Doctor but I don't want to.

We have no sitting today at all and not very much sitting for the next two weeks. I can't wait until Edmonton but it seems like a long way off right now. I'm used to having private time together on a Saturday and it's hard when it didn't happen today. I always say that you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone. I really recognize how important having private adult time together is for us. I feel disconnected from Master right now.

Usually Friday's we play but I was too tired and on my period this weekend. So much not play is going on. I'm tired again today and looking forward to maybe a movie or some type of escape tonight. Master is watching the Empire strikes back right now. At least there is some star wars escape. I wish I could go into a fantasy world right now. Reality just is a lot to deal with and very overwhelming right now for me.

I spent all day watching You Tube yesterday and saw some really neat videos. Two I wanted to share with Master are:

A song from the group, Placebo from the movie, Blow which is one of my favorite Johnny Depp movies. This song is dark and very moody and is a remake of the song, Running up that Hill by Kate Bush. I loved this video so much that I watched it about five times. Check out this video!! Makes me want to watch Blow again. I loved the movie so much that I bought the book soon afterwards. A good movie based on true events. I recommend it to anyone who has never seen it before. That song is now one of my favorites.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BiQ4e6ytSI

The other is another Placebo song called Every you, Every me from Cruel Intentions which was another movie that I loved. I think I was a bit strange as I liked Kathryn with Sebastion better than him with Annette. Kathryn was the bad girl and I liked her attitude when it came to sex. I love the girl on girl kiss from that movie also!! I also loved the ending of that movie. We've seen it many times. Kathryn is such a bad girl and she really needed a spanking! I thought she was a lot more interesting than Annette who was little miss innocence though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Yrn9Qwl8XI

Well tonight is mexican night...we are making vegetarian nachos and having ceasar's to drink with it. We bought the really Italian olives to go with it. I am looking forward to a nice healthy dinner and some drinks and hopefully a movie. Maybe Blow or Cruel Intentions. Snuggle up by our fire and just be with one another. I don't think we will be playing this weekend but I enjoy the simple things like a nice dinner and drinks and movie and snuggle up time.

I made a few small changes on this blog to spice it up and make it more into my own little space. I love icons and couldn't resist putting a few more up. :)

I love you Master Anakin...

I can't wait til Edmonton! Only two weeks now!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme amidala

Concrete angel

2007-03-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

I admit that I am feeling pretty down today. I havn't had much time with Master Anakin this week and I miss him. I have felt very isolated and very lonely lately. I don't remember the last time I smiled. I went on you tube today to look at videos and saw one of the most beautiful videos....

It if of padme and it had a beautiful song on there. It's called concrete angel. That song touches my soul and really moves me...brings me back to when I was a little girl and hiding secrets of abuse that was happening at home. I had so much emotional turmoil going on when I was young...afraid to go home and afraid my dad might be in a mood. If Mr. Soprano was in a mood than look out!! My home was constantly stressed...always trying to make sure he was happy and he seemed to rarely be happy. I love the character of padme in star wars....she is beautiful and strong and yet almost fragile...so much of myself I see in her....

I hope Master will check out this video and song....it's sooooo beautiful and so deep....

I miss him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmQVPhVFFkY

Concrete angel lyrics by Martina McBride

She walks to school with a lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holding back;
Wearing the same dress she wore yesterday,
She hides the bruises with the linen and lace;
oh The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask,

It's hard to see the pain behind the mask;
Bearing the burdon of a secret storm,
Sometimes she wishes she was never born;
Through the wind and the rain,
She stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above;

But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

Concrete Angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night,
The neighbors hear but they turn out the lights;
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate,
When morning comes it will be too late.

Through the wind and the rain,
She stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above;
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.
Concrete Angel

A statue stands in a shaded place,
An angel girl with an upturned face;
Her name is written on a polished rock,
A broken heart that the world forgot.
Through the wind and the rain,
She stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above; But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

Concrete Angel

.....

May the force be with you, Master....

~padme amidala

Lonely for Master

2007-03-13T12:59:00.000-07:00

I am feeling very lonely today. It's Tuesday which means I won't see much of Master today. Both kid's are in karate and our time is usually very busy today. Yesterday was similar. And the last few days before that were with dealing with the birthday party. I honestly can't wait to get away next month for a few days of uninterrupted time together. I feel like I really need it right now.

I am watching Return of the Jedi right now. The weather is dark and rainy and I wanted some escape so I threw it on. I love that movie so much and brings back good memories for me. Of course watching Star wars isn't the same without Master watching it with me. I wish he was home today. I miss him so much!

I just wanted to write a post for Master today telling him that he's on my mind and that I miss him. I am counting down the days til we go away on our trip...I really need some time away with him...

May the force be with you today, Master...

~padme amidala

Our little baby is turning six!

2007-03-09T12:20:00.000-08:00

Master...you are in my thoughts today. Of what we were doing six years ago right now. We were preparing for my scheduled c-section in the hospital. Waiting for our little arrival. Our little man. Luke Skywalker is growing up on us. I found myself close to tears walking with him down from the school today. He said to me "I'm going to be six and that means I'm a big boy." Boy..that really moved me. He's our little baby. My mom said he's not a baby anymore but that doesn't mean I don't look at him as that little baby we had in the hospital. There are no more children in our future...he's the last one for us. Our love child. We conceived him in love back in June of 2000. I can remember the night that we conceived him...the night before my trip to Las Vegas. It was loving and you were so gentle with me...making love to me. You were so incredibly supportive during my pregnancy. I really do appreciate all the support you gave to me. I know I didn't make it easy for you at times. I was hormonal as heck and a bitch 90% of the time. I had morning sickness so not much got done with my normal slave duties back for those first few months.

I remember the day we saw the ultrasound together. How you were staring at the screen with his little heart beating. To know we had created a life together. It was a true powerful moment in my life. So was your support during the toxemia and scary moments before he was born. You were there for me 100%. You talked to him in my tummy and would do the "kick kick poke poke" game.

Then the birth day came...you came into that operating room and watched as they took our son from my tummy. You cried with joy. I had never seen you cry like that. They gave him to you and you put him on my breast. I will never forget the look on your face. You were so proud in that moment..of me and of our little skywalker. I went upstairs and you were holding him in the rocking chair. You took care of me while I healed from my c-section. You are a fabulous Daddy to him and to our daughter. Our son, skywalker reminds me so much of you. He has your dominant personality and a true stubborn nature to him. He's strong and secure in himself and a believer also in the force. He loves Star wars as much as you do! :) *grins*

With our daughter..you became her step dad the moment we moved in together. Even before that...we were best friend's. You felt her in my tummy. You held on the day she was born. You have been a true father figure in her life. I appreciate everything you do for me and our children. Your a good Daddy to them. Your a good Daddy to me also in many ways. You are our force...our rock.

The day I went to the doctor to take my pregnancy test...I remember a certain song was playing on the radio. I think of that day when I hear it...You told me that song greatly affected you and you understood the words in it...I'm posting the lyrics today to it...

With Arms wide open by Creed

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
Well I don't know if I'm ready To be the man I have to be

I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we've created life

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love I'll show you everything
With arms wide open With arms wide open I'll show you everything ...oh yeah

With arms wide open..wide open
[Guitar Break]

If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world With arms wide open...

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed I'll show you love I'll show you everything

With arms wide open
With arms wide open

.....

I love you Master...my force is with you today....all I can think of is you...please come home soon!!

I love you Master! I'm off to complete my chores...

May the force be with you, Master...

~padme amidala

Erotic thoughts...

2007-03-08T09:26:00.000-08:00

I am feeling many erotic thoughts right now for Master. Maybe it was last night...our intense fucking. The way he was with me. I felt so close to him after he fucked me hard. It's only Thursday! Urg! I wish it was Friday. Mind you...I've got a lot I need to get done in the next few days. I am having company over this weekend for the birthday party and need to clean my place. I didn't do much housework with being sick earlier this week. I'm just glad that my head feels clear again and I"m not as spaced out. I'm trying to pump up my immune system right now with lots of juice and vitamins. I want to get strong again and healthy. I hate being sick.

I've been enjoying watching the Sopranos with Master. Not sure why it got me so turned on last night. Maybe it was the scenes in Italy. I couldn't help but think of schiava during some of those scenes. Maybe someone can tell me why Anthony Soprano reminds me sooooo much of my Dad?? I see so much of my dad in that character for some odd reason. I know other's have thought the same thing.

Last night was incredible! I love great sex like that....when he's in Darth mode. When we fuck like there is no tommorow....him pouding my pussy. It felt so fucking good!

I bought a brand new hair dye that I have been wanting to try and plan to dye my hair today. I got Garnier Nutrisse. It looks really good with natural fruit oils. I got a really beautiful color..chardonnay. I love being light blonde and decided to lighten my color. Lately I have been doing darker types of blonde and honey blondes for the winter but I think it's time to get lighter. I really enjoy the feedback from people on the blonde look. It makes me feel sexy. Seeing this picture with the pink wig gives me some ideas for future play though...one of my huge fantasies is being a stripper...being a mysterious type of dancer. I remember years ago being asked to come to Mugs and Jugs and become a stripper...I seriously thought about it. The man had watched me dance at the club beside it for the whole night. I love to dance...I've been dancing for years. To let go...to tease someone through the movements and my body. To entice....

I miss Master today. I woke up thinking about him. I felt so intensely close after we fucked. He told me he wants to fuck my ass this weekend...and I love the thoughts of that. I admit a part of me keeps fantasizing dark thoughts...of being so controlled. Hmmmmmm.....the slut part of me comes out and wants to play!! Dirty padme....with so many thoughts of sex, spankings, fetish, pain, pleasure, fantasy....play!! I want to play!!

I'm going to go into my role of domestic slave today...doing the housework and dying my hair to look sexy for Master. I want to be his "trophy wife". To have him pleased to show me off. I've already tried to figure out what to wear for Sunday. I like to look good for him.

I'm counting down the days til our trip....I can't wait!! I'm SOOOOOOO excited!!! I want to be off in fantasyland hotel....in our big fantasy room with our toys...playing and fucking....

Hmmmmmm......Master....your on my mind....... sooooo many erotic thoughts right now...
I'm getting my sex drive back and it feels fabulous!!

i adore you!!

YOUR slave always....

May the force be with you always, Master....

May your darkside come out and play....

~padme amidala

Thinking of Master

2007-03-05T12:58:00.000-08:00

I am a bit tired today from all the play this weekend. I am thinking about Master a lot. Wondering how he is doing and missing him. I can't stop thinking about our Edmonton trip coming up. In one month from today we'll be getting ready for our trip. I'm so excited!! I can't wait to get away with Master for some fun. I think both of us really need it right now. I wanted to put up the answers from the true friend quiz for people. I've had a few people ask me about it...

1. how old was I when I lost my virginity?

Correct answer: 18 years old

I lost my virginity in the back seat of a car. It was my 18 th birthday. I lost it to my first husband and felt ready at that point of my life to have sexual intercourse. I had done lots of making out and had many boyfriends but it was with B that I lost my virginity.

2. How did I meet Master Anakin?

Correct answer: in college

I met him in Sept. 1990 in college. We were taking the same course at the time.

3. What is my favorite day of the year?

Correct answer: Halloween

I have always loved Halloween. it's my absolute favorite day of the year! I do enjoy new year's eve also but not as much as I love Halloween.

4. What is my favorite spanking implement?

Correct answer: All of the above

I love the hand, belt and razor strop equally. I do love Master's belt and have a belt fetish but I love the other toys too. It's hard to pick one that I love above all others. :)

5. What is the name of the club I hung out at in my younger years?

Correct answer: Mardi Gras

I spent almost a year going to Mardi Gras every single weekend. I have many memories from that club which has since changed it's name.

6. Who gave me my first adult spanking?

Correct answer: my high school boyfriend

My high school boyfriend gave me my first adult spanking with the ping pong paddle after I worked him all up and teased him during a game of ping pong. That spanking was in my fantasies for years before I got the nerve up to tell Master Anakin about it and my spanking fantasies.

7. What is my favorite alcoholic drink?

Correct answer: Vodka

It's the Russian in me...I love Vodka! I admit that I enjoy merlot a lot also but I really love vodka. For years I mostly drank vodka paralyzers.

8. How did I meet Master R?

Correct answer: Through a friend

I met Master R through my friend, amber. I met amber on the group, Latches. She gave him my e-mail and the rest is history.

9. What is my favorite snack?

Correct answer: M and M's

I LOVE M and M's. It's my favorite chocolate ever!! I have a special M and M bowl that I got from Las vegas at the M and M store just for my M and M's. :) Now can anyone quess my favorite color of m and m's??

10. Where did Master Anakin propose to me?

Correct answer: At a waterfall

He got down on his knee and asked me to marry him at the Mirage waterfall in Las Vegas. It was a beautiful sunny day right beside the waterfall and so romantic!!

11. What is my favorite color?

Correct answer: Red

I love the color red!

12. What is my favorite Star wars movie?

Correct answer: Revenge of the Sith

I love Revenge of the sith. It was the darkest of the Star wars movie and that movie holds special memories for me.

It was a fun quiz! Thanks to everyone who participated in it.

Thinking of Master....

May the force be with you, Master!

~padme amidala

How well do you know me??

2007-03-02T12:00:00.000-08:00

Create your own Friend Test here

Feeling so submissive...

2007-02-28T14:06:00.000-08:00

My blog post on Journey to the Darkside took me a while today to finish. I spent a lot of time thinking about it. I was trying to describe some feelings that I am experiencing. I am in a very erotic mood today. Doing a lot of fantasizing. Fantasizing about a certain woman who has turned me on through her e-mails and descriptions of what she wants to do to me. She knows she is contributing to my erotic state of mind. I think of her using thorns on my flesh and needles. Giving me fantasies of being pierced. Of the things she would do to me...

Fantasies of Master and the orgasm denial. How far will he take me? How long will he tease me and make me wait?? I am so damn horny. I even had a sexual dream last night. I have thought about sex all day today. I'm so deeply aroused and this is always a really good state to be in. To write out my feelings...to really let the "little miss dangerous" out for some play and erotic times. I would seriously love to be sucking Master's cock right now or getting fucked!! The orgasm denial is working...I feel so utterly submissive in my heart and soul...so aroused physically and centered mentally.

I had a vision last night that was so clear to me. I imagined Master and I in that polynesian room at the Fantasyland hotel in Edmonton. We are going there in April for our three year wedding anniversary. I was fantasizing about us in that hot tub...water pouring all over my naked body..the waterfall...making love to him while the water runs over our body...hot water...naked flesh....our love. I remember the Honeymoon bath we took together. How warm that water was and scented with fresh rose petals and fragrance. How perfect it was...the night air from the mountains coming into our honeymoon suite at the Harrison Hot springs resort. Just moments away from our "special place on the lake". Sometimes I wish we had more money and could go live there. That place holds the best memories for me.

I am feeling so submissive today and owned. Missing Master and hoping he's knowing how much I wish he was home today. I am listening to Moody blues Nights in white satin. Reminds me of him...reminds me of our honeymoon and I'm not sure why. Of those feelings that I felt of such absolute love and devotion. Gawd...those were two incredible days and nights.

It's too bad we had to leave and came home to many problems including the car and also the video camera not working. I wish we had video of our special day. I want to replay some of those memories forever.

Nights in White Satin by Moody Blues

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters Ive written,
Never meaning to send.

Beauty Id always missed
With these eyes before,
Just what the truth is
I cant say anymore.
cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.

Gazing at people,
Some hand in hand,
Just what Im going thru
They can understand.
Some try to tell meThoughts they cannot defend,
Just what you want to be
You will be in the end,

And I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.
Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters Ive written,
Never meaning to send.

Beauty Id always missed
With these eyes before,
Just what the truth is
I cant say anymore.
cause I love you,

Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.
cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

.....

i love you so much Master!!

i love this space where i can write for you...express my true thoughts and feelings and desires. Thank you for taking us to where we both want to be...
You as Master...and me as slave.

i love you! i feel so submissive today...so owned...

May the force be with you, Master!!

~padme amidala

The best of times...the worst of times

2007-02-26T12:45:00.000-08:00

I am glad this month is almost over. I have never really liked Febuary very much. March and April have always held good memories for me. This month has had way more downs than ups. Usually I am crashing today but I can't blame it on endorphins. This weekend really sucked. It was the best of times because we are doing well financially. We are going away for our anniversary trip in April to Edmonton. Our place is so clean and organized. We spent all day cleaning the car and carpets and cleaning up our place. We got a new rocking chair which was nice to be in beside the fire. It felt great to get so clean and to do errands we needed to do.

One huge thing was lacking though. The play just never happened this weekend. I think it's one of the first weekends that we hardly played and I didn't feel the closeness to Master. Right now I feel like we are on different planets. Of course when things feel so distant between us, I want to go into isolation and push him away. I admit I feel angry right now. Angry at life. Angry at illness and my family for almost stressing me out. I am trapped inside today while it's pouring and dark out. The kid's are both sick. I am tired and stressed and it's built up in me with no release.

I write in this blog for Master. I share my honest and real feelings with him. Not everything is always hearts and roses with us. We go through periods of time that life conspires against us. We just don't seem to get a break. Tons of things to do and not enough time together. Hardly any sitting due to illness's. I quess I need to get real that we will not be able to play all the time. Things happen.

I feel like I've been spoiled. We always play every weekend. We always have had time for it. This weekend really sucked for any play. My period was happening and had come on strong on Friday. He was tired and coming down with the cold/flu. Saturday we tried several times to start play but our son kept interrupting. Master eventually fell asleep leaving me with the Hitachi. I was left there buzzed off my merlot and horny. I had been looking forward all day to play with him. I tried to look sexy and ready. But...it never happened. He fell asleep during the one time of putting skywalker to bed. I was left alone and needy.

I went ahead and decided to masturbate. I felt guilty by it but I needed release. I am not supposed to orgasm without permission. I used the Hitachi and brought myself to a orgasm. Then I went up and told him. I didn't want to lie about it. He was sleeping. I thought he would be mad but he was out of it due to being sleepy. We fought and we fucked and fell asleep but I admit I really thought he only fucked due to my being so angry at him. I honestly wonder if he even felt like fucking. There was no passion or roughness to it. It was just a simple fuck and then sleeping. We got up and no power exchange was present. Usually I see his dominance but not this weekend. It has made me feel very unsubmissive right now. I just don't feel like a slave. I don't want to submit. I'm tired and fatiqued and I want to just hide. Hide from the world...hide from Him.

I miss pain. I miss spankings. I miss really rough fucking. I miss feeling owned. I wish I could feel his Darth. Where has Darth gone?? Did Valentine's day really happen or was it just a dream?? I think that was the last time I really got to see Darth and even then, he was more romantic and I didn't get spanked very hard. I have had this need in me for weeks which just grows and grows. The thirst builds.....I need....I need Master!! I need to feel that total power exchange. I HATE when he is sick and he withdraws from me. When he no longer gives me his Dominance I find myself turning to the darkside. My world is dark and lonely...

Saturday night felt very lonely. I went from feeling on top of the world with our trip and so connected....to feeling so alone and wanting to cry. A part of me orgasmed without permission to see if he would get angry. I know I shouldn't do things to get attention but I find myself doing this when I havn't had pain in a long time. I felt angry he had fallen asleep on the one night we had to play together. Saturday night is our only time that he is usually not as tired and only our son who usually sleeps very well.

I thought Master should know what I am thinking. I'm pretty sure this isn't going to surprise him. There are ways of making me feel owned and he often gets into his own world when sick or stressed and I am left alone and sailing on rough waters alone. I'm needing His force and when it's not there, he leaves me feeling like I'm in a very dark place.

Call me a pain addict but when my need for pain doesn't get full filled, I become bitchy and the tension from it builds in me. I wish he would just spank me!! Spank me damn it!! Call it topping from below which I know you will, Master....but this is a NEED in me!! I go so long without some play and I start to go insane...and today I feel it! The darkside is close to me today....I wish in my soul he would just come home and beat me but I know this isn't possible. I will have to wait til this weekend and hope for the best...

I'm listening to a song which now which I love and speaks to me...

Misguided Angel by Cowboy Junkies

I said mama, he's crazy and he scares me
But I want him by my side
Though he's wild and he's bad
And sometimes just plain mad
I need him to keep me satisfied

I said papa, don't cry cause its alright
And I see you in some of his ways
Though he might not give me the life that you wanted
I'll love him the rest of my days

Misguided angel hangin over me
Heart like a gabriel, pure and white as ivory
Soul like a lucifer, black and cold like a piece of lead
Misguided angel, love you til I'm dead

I said brother, you speak to me of passion
You said never to settle for nothing less
Well, its in the way he walks,
Its in the way he talks
His smile, his anger and his kisses

I said sister, don't you understand?
Hes all I ever wanted in a man
I'm tired of sittin around the t.v. every night
Hoping I'm finding a mr. right

Misguided angel hang'in over me
Heart like a gabriel, pure and white as ivory
Soul like a lucifer
Black and cold like a piece of lead
Misguided angel, love you til I'm dead

He says baby, don't listen to what they say
There comes a time when you have to break away
He says baby there are things we all cling to all our life
Its time to let them go and become my wife

Misguided angel hangin over me
Heart like a gabriel, pure and white as ivory
Soul like a lucifer
Black and cold like a piece of lead
Misguided angel, love you til I'm dead

........

I did a few minor changes to my blog. I took out the survey. The hand won for the toy that people would have liked to spank me with. 22% said hand and 19% said the whip. :)

May the force be with you Master...

~padme

Rest in peace Daniel and Anna Nicole Smith

2007-02-22T13:56:00.000-08:00

After several days of watching the live hearing of the fight of where Anna Nicole smith should be buried it's finally resolved. I found myself getting very emotional when the verdict was being read and it felt like a very historic moment. A few minutes ago it showed all the parties (the mom, Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern) all outside the courthouse saying she will be buried beside her son in a private funeral. I have been following it all very closely and I'm not sure why this particular case affected me the way it has but I just feel so much peace in my heart right now that she will be buried beside her son, Daniel.

It's made me think of my own death and funeral. I don't have a will made up and I have thought a lot about my car accident and how close I came to dying. I'm not sure why I have been delaying doing a will but I think it's time to do it. Talking about my death with Master has always been a difficult subject for me. I know though we need to sit down soon and talk about the details of what would happen if that should happen. Life is precious...you never know if tommorow your crossing the street and get hit by a car. I could have easily died in that accident and what if I had. There is no will and a divorce agreement with my ex.

I really hope Master will agree with me to get a will done soon and I think we should have the talk soon about what if. Watching that court case really made me think a lot about the what if.

I'm just glad that Anna nicole can now be laid to rest and that she will beside the son who she loved with all of her heart. They said she was never the same after his death and I can relate to that as I honestly don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to my son.

I'm glad there is a resolution to the hearing and that they all came to the right conclusion.

May the force be with you Master....

~padme

In sickness and in health

2007-02-22T09:47:00.000-08:00

I am finally starting to feel better today and I am now starting pms. If it's not one thing, it's another. Skywalker has been sick with a cold and our daughter had the flu last week. I am just glad that my fever seems gone. I was scared being so feverish and sick like I was. I want to thank Master for taking care of me the last few days. I havn't been able to be the slave I enjoy being. It's hard when I can't serve him or cook his dinner or even keep on top of my domestic duties due to illness. I can't wait til things get back to normal.

I've been watching the Anna Nicole smith hearing the last few days and it's been very interesting. Lots of twists and turns. I'm curious to know the outcome tommorow. I havn't been online very much this week and I miss blogging so I wanted to do a quick post for Master today. I wanted him to know that I am thinking of him and I wanted to thank him for being my Daddy. I honestly don't know what I would do without him.

Thank you Master for your strength, your force, you love and support. You are my true love and I adore you.....

Thank you for loving me in sickness and in health.

As the song says, "I"m on fire for you, baby"

May the force be with you Master!

~padme

Rainy days and Mondays

2007-02-19T09:03:00.000-08:00

I hadn't done a blog post for Master in this blog in a while so I wanted to post for him this morning. It's another rainy day and Monday. It's been pouring most of the morning and it's supposed to continue raining most of today. Yuck!! I'm so tired of the rain. At least Saturday there was a bit of a break from it. I am missing Master a lot after a nice weekend together. We had a nice visit with my mom and got to see Ghost Rider which was great. We also played on Saturday night and I got my ass beat good. I also got fucked hard from Master. :)

I was looking for pictures to put up today and saw this one that Master took. It's so beautiful! I noticed a few pictures from Saturday night. I had no idea Master had taken photos of the whipping. I was in subspace and floating on endorphins that night so I'm not surprised I didn't notice the camera. Master always likes to take photos of the different spankings I get also. It made me crave another one. I wish he was here right now. It's so quiet and I'm lonely. It's another karate night and I'm not sure how much time we will get together today.

I feel so behind on everything. I have to clean up from the bbq last night and also do some blog reading and try to catch up on e-mails also. At least I am feeling a bit better from last night. Not sure what was going on with my tummy but I didn't feel too great last night. I slept like a rock. I was so tired.

Master....I love you SOOOOOO much!! and miss you SOOOOOO much!!

I am thinking of you....

May the force be with you, Master.

~padme

TGIF

2007-02-16T08:16:00.000-08:00

Thank god it's Friday!! I'm so glad it's the weekend. I woke up to a very clean place. It feels wonderful. My mom is coming for a visit and my place looks fabulous. Cleaning feels so good. My mom coming gave me the excuse to really go to town on it and I loved how it smelled last night. Febreeze has to be the most wonderful product ever. I even sprayed the car and Master said it was wonderful getting in this morning. I have been feeling so submissive in my heart. Valentine's day was wonderful and a memory that I will never forget. We won the contest at De Dutch so there will be more breakfasts in the future there so valentine's day will carry on. Once a month for a year we get free breakfasts! Yeah!

We are going to see Ghost Rider which looks way cool this weekend! I love nic cage. I am so glad it's the weekend. I miss Master and want to be in his arms again. The weather looks pretty good together and I'm mostly done my chores. The kid's are out of school and I'm wondering about taking them out today even to wal mart. I really need to get out of the house. I was inside all day working on the housework.

I saw this picture Master took in our valentine's collection of photos. It looks like he took it through open forest to downtown Vancouver. It's beautiful Master!! I love your photos! Master seems to capture the moment in his photos and I really like his vanilla photos as much as kinky ones. You can see the top of vancouver revolving restraunt that we went to years ago. That place holds many memories for us. I love you Master Anakin!! I can't wait til your home and know that I miss you so much!!

I heard a song this morning which made me think of you, Master...

Come what may

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day i'm loving you more than this

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Chorus:
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song
I'll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

.......

May the force be with you Master!!

~padme

To my valentine

2007-02-13T09:35:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of SparkleTags.com

Master Anakin,
Happy Valentine's day!! I wanted to do a special Valentine's day post for you as I am not allowed online tommorow with you being off work and us spending the day together. I can't wait for tommorow! I love you SO very much and I want to tell you how proud I am to be your slave. I adore you...

My Valentine
by Martina McBride

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you

If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
In my dreams i couldnt love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine

La da da
Da da da da

And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
Cuz all i need
Is you, my valentine

You're all i need
My love, my valentine

.....

I love you Master....

May the force be with you!

~padme

Loving life

2007-02-12T09:37:00.000-08:00

It was such a relaxing and wonderful weekend!! I don't remember the last time I felt so connected to Master and laughed and snuggled and just loved life the way I did this weekend. I enjoyed our Friday night and the play. Saturday at the zoo with our son. Saturday night with a movie and more play and romance. Yesterday was bowling and time together at the end of the night just curling up together. It feels so good to have such closeness and contentness in being a slave to Master. I feel submissive and so in love!! A perfect feeling for Valentine's day coming up!! What I love the most about this blog is I can share all of my feelings with Master. So he knows what kind of mood I am in and what's going through my mind.

Master is taking Wednesday off to spend the day with me for Valentine's day and I can't wait!! A wonderful breakfast is planned and hopefully a little play time also. :) I feel very lucky to have him in my life and I really am enjoying life right now. It's a great feeling and I want to hold onto it.

Today's a bit crazy for me. I already did my walk to and from school as my father in law is out of town for the funeral of his brother. It felt good to be exercising first thing in the morning. I've got to catch up on housework and e-mails that I missed the last few days. I was barely online this weekend and it felt great. More time for Master. :)

I admit I am feeling a bit annoyed with a few people in my life right now. I've been told the same line by a few people who say they are my friends. The line is "I'm too busy". Too busy to chat, too busy to e-mail, too busy to phone, too busy to keep contact. Master R was too busy until yesterday to get in touch with me after leaving me at Tim Hortons. I spent days feeling like crap after that and he was "too busy" to try to contact me and work it out. S has been too busy to pick up the phone and call me. I saw her two weeks ago when she dropped of a avon catalogue. It's kind of obvious what she wanted and it wasn't to get together. Our friendship has drifted apart and I'm not sure why I am bothering trying to hold onto it. My mom e-mailed and told me she has also been "too busy" to be in touch the last few weeks. I had another friend who told me on yahoo yesterday that she was "too busy" to respond to my messages or to keep in touch with me.

I quess I'm wondering why I put so much into my friendships/relationships when it's obvious that these people don't put anything back into it. My sister said to me once that no one is ever too busy...it's a excuse to avoid someone. The few minutes it takes to leave a message or respond to a e-mail or pick up the phone seems to be too much for some people. Yet those same people come around when they want something. S doesn't seem to want much to do with me except for the avon. R seems to only want to come around when he wants to play. My other friend on yahoo seems to think it's ok to not keep in touch and yet still thinks we'll remain friend's. My mom seems to think I will use my westjet credit to come fly out to spend time with her when she's had no time for me for months. My Dad must be too busy these days also. The last time I heard from him was the beginning of Jan. Also, my brother is too busy these days and I havn't heard a word since Christmas. A whole lot of people just seem "too busy" these days to keep in touch.

I quess I'm tired of it all. Master says I should be "too busy" for the people who don't want to keep in touch and I am starting to think he's right. Maybe it's the libra in me but I really like friendship/relationships to be a equal balance. If only one person is doing all the work how is it really going to work? I can't exactly tell Master I'm too busy to be a slave. Or I'm too busy to serve him.

My sister and I have a pack that we made with one another. No matter how busy we both get we never use the excuse "too busy" with one another. We always e-mail each other at least once a week. Like she said, "you can't find ten minutes in a week's time to send off a quick e-mail??" So I make sure every week I sit down and write her. I know she was dealing with similar friendships in her life also who were "too busy".

I am never too busy for my friend's. I try to keep in touch with people. Even when I was having a baby in the house or having real life issues going on, I always made time for people. I have done the majority of keeping in touch with those people that don't seem to be able to have ten minutes for a quick e-mail or message to me or phone call. It seems to be too difficult to respond to a message or return a phone call. I'm not sure what the future holds for some of my friendships. I wish it would be easy to walk away from R or S but there is a history with them both. I seem to get sucked into the same cycle all the time. I am hoping to make some changes. I have made two new friend's in the last few months. C is someone I am just getting to know. Her daughter is best friend's with my son. I also have gotten to know a woman named D. Her and her husband invited Master and I over for dinner on Halloween and we have tried to get to know each other. She's a breast cancer survivor. Her daughter is best friend's with my daughter. I feel like I've got a lot in common with C and D. I think for now I will become "too busy" for those who are too busy to keep in touch with me or use that excuse with me.

I have been cutting down on my online time lately. I feel like I spent way too much time online in the last year and not enough time on housework or other areas of my life. Master is helping to keep me focused on him and my responsiblities to him right now.

I love you Master....now, always and forever!!!

May the force be with you today, Master!! I have thought about you a lot and I love you!

~padme

Day at the zoo

2007-02-10T18:04:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post tonight for Master and also to share a few pictures from our day at the zoo today. We had a picture perfect day out with our son, skywalker at the Greater Vancouver Zoo today. It was so much fun!! I came home very relaxed. We saw so many different animals and we got to see the feeding of the tigers and lions which was really cool! Also a falcon demonstration was really interesting also that we got to watch. We came home to a delicious bbq and I am looking forward to a very relaxing night. Wanted to post this while everything was still fresh from last night and today. Thank you Master for taking me to the zoo today and giving me a day I'll always remember!!

I posted at Journey to the Darkside about last night and a bit more about today also. :)

I loved being with you and skywalker. Renting the bicycle and cycling around the zoo. Seeing all the different species and birds and that. It was awesome!! I felt so incredible in love with you today Master...I felt so grateful to spend a day out with you and our son like that! Always remember that I love you and hold onto days like this...

I've been to three zoo's in my life. Calgary zoo, Greater vancouver zoo and also the zoo in Hawaii. It's so neat being there being able to see animals from different countries. I really enjoyed being there today. The fresh air felt great and all the walking around. It was so sunny and it was so enjoyable. :)

I wish everyday could feel like this. I wish I could always be relaxed that way I am right now. *sighs* I feel so happy...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

For Annie...for Darth

2007-02-09T10:33:00.000-08:00

Master...today's post is for you. You asked me to write in Journey to the Darkside about yesterday and my punishment and to do a blog post just for you also. So I am trying to get this done before I head down to the school. I'm listening to a song which brings me back to another time, another place. I love Frankie Goes to Hollywood and the power of love. It's dark and so much some of how I am feeling today for you. I feel such a deep and dark connection to you today. My soul is cleansed. My body is on fire for you. I'm having such a deep down desire to please YOU!! I want only YOU!! You are the only man for me. my love, my Darth, my lover, my Master, my Annie...

I love this picture so much!! It reminds me of us. You are on my mind so much this morning. Thinking of yesterday and your punishment for me. How close we felt to one another and how my soul burned for desire last night...of closeness and of darkness. How you bring out the darkside within me. You bring out this need in me...this absolute need to submit to you.

I'm sorry for my attitude and actions this week. I'm very truly sorry. I love you and I don't show you enough. I deserved my punishment and more and I'm sure you will make sure I am good and sorry tonight during part 2. I need you to know that I will accept and I trust you to know how far to go, how to get us to where we both want to be.

This is a bad time of year and I've had a lot of stress and I'm sorry for shutting you out.

I will get my list of chores done as told and I will prepare myself for tonight. I will shave my pussy today for you as told to do. I will make you so pleased with me. Thank you for your strict dominance and for being my Anakin and Darth.

I love you!! I remember us fucking to that song, the power of love...it was on while I was crying out as you fucked me and we were feeling that true dark force between us. I think of you when I hear this song and I've listened to it many times today...my energy today is so strong...I am with you even though you are at work. I feel so connected in my soul for you!! I desire you so much...my pussy wet and aroused as I woke. You were my first thought today...the one thing I can't stop thinking about...tonight. Tonight and us!! I wish you were home!! It's so hard to be apart!!

I remember considering dancing to this song during our wedding for the first dance as it is a song which holds sweet memories but I didn't think people would understand how dark and deep it is. Words can't describe just how much I love you!!

the power of love
Frankie goes to Hollywood

Ill protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door

Feels like fire
I'm so in love with you
Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay-bad at bay
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away-yeah

I'm so in love with you
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

*the power of love
A force from above
Cleaning my soul
Flame on burn desire
Love with tongues of fire
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

Ill protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door
When the chips are down Ill be around
With my undying, death-defying
Love for you

Envy will hurt itself
Let yourself be beautiful
Sparkling love, flowers
And pearls and pretty girls
Love is like an energy
Rushin rushin inside of me

*(repeat)

This time we go sublime
Lovers entwine-divine divine
Love is danger, love is pleasure
Love is pure-the only treasure

I'm so in love with you
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

The power of love
A force from above
Cleaning my soul
The power of love
A force from above
A sky-scraping dove

Flame on burn desire
Love with tongues of fire
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

Ill protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door

may the force be with you Master.....

I will keep myself busy with the chores you gave me and prepare for tonight. I await you...

Your slave,
padme
xoxoxox

Hawaiian fantasies

2007-02-06T13:11:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about my Uncle a lot today. He's in Hawaii right now marrying the woman he loves. This is his second wedding. I keep wondering why I didn't do it that way. Go off to the place I've always wanted to go to marry Master. I instead chose a family type of wedding. It had it's benefits but mostly a lot of stress. Every time I think of those six weeks that we were running around trying to get a wedding organized I honestly think we were nuts. I was stressed out of my mind. My bah bah married my grandpa there in hawaii and now my Uncle is there today to marry. Today I will have a new Auntie. It's kind of a neat feeling he's going there like she did.

I can't believe our three year wedding anniversary is coming up in April. It seems like yesterday sometimes. The one moment I remember the most is Master walking down the aisle with me to the music of Rob Roy. It was honestly so touching to me that he replaced my dad who wouldn't show up for it to walk me down the aisle alone. I remember the look in his eyes as we said our vows. The love in that room. The romance. Was it worth all that money and stress though? Shouldn't we have just flown to Hawaii and done it in private? I think of Hawaii often. I've been there twice. Master has not been there yet. I would love to go there with him...just once. Just to experience it with him.

I really think it's almost time for a vacation. I feel very annoyed at everyone and everything besides Master. S phoned me today and I tried to quickly get off the phone with her. I feel annoyed at my family. I feel lonely and out of touch with people. I don't remember the last time I heard from my sister. I want to be with Master. I want to feel his touch. Feel his presence. He said he's going to try to get off for valentine's day so we can spend that day together. I sure hope he can!! It will be 4 years valentine's day since we moved into our country home.

Tuesday is the worst day of the week for me. Karate night for both kid's. I won't see much of Master. I'm going to keep myself busy by dying my hair light blonde for him. I always enjoy dying it as I feel so sexy being a blonde. I am going to try to relax and maybe start one of the books I've been wanting to read. Last night Master and I made love. I was allowed to masturbate in the morning and last night he wanted me and we made love...felt so good. I love the feel of him...

I saw this picture and it made me think of Master and I in Hawaii..a wedding we could have had. Maybe we can go there and renew our vows? I need to get away and I need Master...fantasies today of Hawaii and Master...I wish I was there to see my Uncle marry his new bride!

He's been so dominant with me and I crave more...lock me away and throw away the key, Master! I love you so much!

I belong to you, Master...now, always and forever!!

May the force be with you.

~padme

Date with Master

2007-02-05T08:03:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post two pictures for Master today from our date on Saturday. I want to thank him for giving up the UFC for a night so we could spend time together and really enjoy a real date. I really enjoyed going hiking up at Lynn Canyon and felt refreshed and so close to Master. I have the waterfall up on my wallpaper for our computer so I can remember it...remember how I was feeling during that time we were out enjoying it all alone. I had a few thoughts of going to fuck out in the woods but it was getting dark and we had to head back.

Saturday was a incredible day and I needed it so bad. Yesterday felt good to clean all day. Our room looks awesome! I enjoyed our family night also last night. Sitting down watching a movie with our kid's. Snuggling up close to Master. It felt so heavenly. It's Monday and always a tough day for me to come down from the weekend and prepare myself for the next few days. It's karate night tonight and tommorow so I won't see much of Master. I will be alone a lot and I am glad for the memories of the weekend to keep me grounded and hold onto them tight.

Thank you Master for the roses, for the attention, for the caning on my ass on Saturday night and play, for the fucking, for the date, for the kisses and love, for the lunch at the Tantra restraunt, for all the memories...

I love you SO much, Master...

May the force be with you!

~padme

Fall from grace

2007-02-02T13:58:00.000-08:00

I promised myself I would do a blog post about my Bah Bah with the anniversary of her death coming up tommorow. This blog post is for myself. I wanted to write this for me...and also for Master as he knows I'm thinking about her. 9 years ago (it's almost around the same time of day also that day) I saw my Bah Bah for the last time. I remember every detail of that day. How she looked, what I said to her, how I felt...everything. It was a day that changed my life and will forever haunt me. I never thought I'd get over it. Maybe I havn't. I still feel like a piece of my heart is missing.

I feel good doing this post today...to get some feelings out. I saw this picture of the russian dolls which reminds me of her. She had dolls like that at her place. I used to play with them when I was a child. The dolls would all fit into one another until they got smaller and smaller. I've been thinking a lot the last few days about the last day of her life. I feel like I made a decision 9 years ago that was the wrong one. I didn't want to leave her side when she was in the hospital but my mom convinced me she would be ok and be there the next day. They told us she was going downhill and I remember having a feeling in my stomach that I didn't want to leave her side. I feel bad that she passed away when she was alone. I feel like I should have been there. I chose to go home and to this day I'm not sure why I did that.

I am not sure I could do a blog post describing how much she meant to me or the impact she had in my life. Words can't express just how much she meant to me...or the love that I felt for her. She was one of the closest people to my heart. She named me, practically raised me and she knew me like no one else. She was a really good person with a big heart and she loved my grandpa so much. They had the type of marriage I wanted. Traditional and loving and happy. When he passed away, she couldn't cope and a few months after he was gone, she had her stroke and passed away. We found their love letters on her table. She must have been reading them before her stroke. She called out for him several times in the hospital. I think she wanted to be with him and she lost her will to live. They are buried together. His urn is in her arms in her casket. Together forever.

I felt her death before I was told of her passing. I woke up in the middle of the night and felt a tremendous sense of loss. I went into the other room and started crying and told Master she was gone. He kept trying to reassure me that perhaps I was mistaken as I hadn't got the call yet but I just *knew* she was not with us anymore. Hours later I got the call. My mom didn't have to even say the words. I still feel her presence sometimes. I think about her. I want to phone her. I want to see her and talk to her.

One of my most memorable times of me and her was during a difficult time for her. My grandpa (the love of her life) was dying in the hospital. She went every day to see him even though he was slowly going downhill. She never gave up hope, even when doctor's and other's told her that he wasn't going to make it to the end of the year. I had gone over to see him and we came home from the hospital. Even though I knew her heart was breaking she put on a brave front. I was sitting on the swing outside and she came outside to hold onto me and talk. We had a really good talk that day. The sky was perfect out...not a cloud in the sky. She was so strong and so positive, even in the face of my grandpa's death about to happen. She really amazed me that day.

There is a song that was played at her funeral that makes me think of her...and I can't listen to it without crying. I thought I would post the words of it...to remind me of that time...of her. She was someone I will never forget. Her honeymoon picture with my grandpa sits in my kitchen and I have reminders of her around me.

May the force be with you, Bah bah! I miss you and love you so much!

Fall from Grace

Sarah Mclachlan

the winter here's cold, and bitter

it's chilled us to the bone

i haven't seen the sun for weeks

too long too far from home

i feel just like i'm sinking

and I claw for solid ground

i'm pulled down by the undertow

i never thought I can feel so low

but oh darkness I feel like letting go

but all of the strength all of the courage

couldn't lift me from this place

i know I can love you much better than this

i fall from grace

fall from grace

it's better this way, I said

having seen this place before

where everything we say and do

hurts us all the more

its just that we stayed, too long

in the same old sickly skin

i'm pulled down by the undertow

i never thought I can feel so low

but oh darkness I feel like letting go

but all of the strength

all of the courage

couldn't lift me from this place

together we crumble and stumble and fall

i fall from grace

fall from grace

i know I can love you much better than this

so it's better this way

....

May the force be with you.

~padme

Darth bear

2007-01-31T15:56:00.000-08:00

I like to try to do blog post's on here for Master. I feel bad I didn't get one up yesterday but I was having a really rough day. Master and I were not getting along too well yesterday. I was surrounded by bad memories and I had a lot of dark thoughts yesterday. I was a real mess. Master had karate night also so I barely saw him. He came home and we put the kid's to bed and he wanted to fuck. I wasn't in the mood which is very rare for me with my high sex drive. I was feeling too emotional and I wanted to go to bed. He is Master though and he gets what he wants. I am never to refuse sex to Him. As he told me once "you never deny ME!!" and I am not allowed to. That's a big rule with us. I'm not allowed to get a headache or say no if I am on my period or not feeling up to it. If he wants to fuck, we fuck. That's the way it works with us.

We had some incredible sex last night...it was rough and passionate and intense. Once I got into it I really got aroused for him. He let me cum and I'm feeling a bit better today and I think it's because of the connection with Master. I needed to feel owned. I was feeling lost yesterday and I think he knew it and wanted to correct it. Thank you Master for your strength! Your force is so strong and it gets me through the rough bumps.

I saw this picture in our archives and couldn't resist putting it up. I never got the chance to put it on Journey to the Darkside so I'm putting it up here. It's of a Darth bear that was outside HMV downtown Vancouver. Master couldn't resist taking a photo of it. It's so cute. :)

We've seen different bears all over including in Victoria but this was the first Star wars bear we've seen! This was taken the day of our Phantom of the Opera night. A very special night for us last summer. :)

I woke up this morning to a love note from Master and Phantom of the Opera on the computer as a screensaver. He told me we had an overnight on Saturday for the UFC fight night. I know he arranged this as Saturday will be a difficult day for me with the anniversary of my Bah Bah's death. I know I will enjoy the escape and play that day...I want to just be on a leash and in His arms and feeling His control over me. Spanking me, dominating me, making me feel his absolute authority. Yum! Yum! Yum! That is my wish for Saturday...I want to be in chains and tied up and locked away....free from all the stress and worries...

I dug out my Bah Bah's recipe book she gave me for christmas many years ago. It was filled full of different recipes of dishes she made. I'm trying one today just for Master and hope he'll like it. I enjoy cooking for him...I miss him...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

Crazy kitty

2007-01-29T13:05:00.000-08:00

Here's a photo of my kitty, Meisha. She's a crazy kitty. She was drinking through a straw to get at her water. She's been on a diet too and doing well with it. She was getting too chubby last year. I am having a pretty yucky kind of day. I just feel very quiet. I tried to do some blog reading but I just don't have anything to say. I'm tired and my back's sore from all the cleaning though. I am missing Master in a really bad way. I hate Monday's. Karate night and not enough time together in the next few days. I need to finish cleaning our room and the bathroom also. I didn't finish yesterday and need to sort through all those clothes. I'm also trying to get back into my boxing but that's hard with my back problems. Things were going well with my back til all the cleaning and pushing myself yesterday. I wanted to make our bedroom look really nice though and the place to be clean and organized.

S phoned me today. I'm a bit annoyed with her and havn't phoned her back. It's been two weeks since our last talk on the phone. She was so weird about the sex show. I know she thinks I'm a freak. I'm tired of not being honest about myself with her. She asked about my weekend so I told her the truth about going to the sex show. Then she acted like this was a terrible thing to have done. I'm tired of her being so prudish about sex. I told her I was bi last year and she responded weird to me. Our friendship has changed a lot. I think she knows it too. We used to talk daily for hours every day. I felt closer to her than anyone else a few years ago. Now I feel great distance between us.

The last time we got together was my birthday and other than avon back and forth and exchanging christmas gifts, we barely see each other. Wal mart shopping trips together are no more. We just seem to have nothing in common. We used to have the car accident but that was so many years ago. It was too bad that it didn't work out with going over to a woman's house today for a playdate with my son and her daughter. She was sick with the flu. She came up to me at the school last week and asked us to come over. It turned out we had a lot in common. I know I need new friend's. S and I have drifted apart and I'm not sure what will bring us back together again.

This is a tough time of year for me. The anniversary of many different things. It was exactly 7 years ago when we had to move due to the D situation. I had a dream of D and N recently. D still haunts me and I worry even now he'll find us one day. My bah bah's death was 9 years ago Feb. 3rd. I woke up last night thinking of her. I really miss her and wish it would get easier but it hasn't. She was the one to pretty much raise me and I felt closer to her than anyone else in my family. I really loved her and I don't know how even now to deal with the fact she is gone and I can't just phone her up or go see her. This has made me feel depressed today.

I wanted to write today for Master...let Him know how I am feeling. I really enjoyed our weekend together. I'm grateful for His force and strength. Gawd...I miss him today...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

Friday finally!!

2007-01-26T09:54:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad it's Friday. What a long week! I can't wait til Master is home and we can start our weekend. The sun is actually shining today which feels heavenly. I'm in a mood to clean. I had a really bad day yesterday and today feels a bit better. I'm coping better. Yesterday I felt like a bomb ready to explode. I had so many e-mails to catch up on and a sick child to look after and so much happening. I was climbing with the walls with the fact I felt like there was little time for Master and I this week. I felt so much weight on top of me and I wanted to lash out at someone. Of course that someone was Him. He wasn't happy. Darth had come home and he was not in a mood to deal with it. We clashed but it made for some incredible sex and a huge orgasm. I'm glad Master has never cared about my period. Some men get weird but not Him. Nothing stops Him. If he wants me, He takes me.

I wasn't really in the mood to fuck but He didn't care. He fucked me anyways and told me "don't you dare ever deny ME!!" in his Darth tone. I am usually horny 24/7 but it always goes down during this time of the month. Especially in times of stress. I think all the family news from my sister didn't help things either. I hate family drama. I don't even want to hear about it. It clouds my life and it's just not what I need in my life.

I've got a big paddling coming tonight from all the comments on Journey to the Darkside. I quess the motto there is "be careful what you wish for". I wanted comments and got lots. I know deep inside of me that I need a good spanking though. So much mouthiness this last week and feeling off. I want to fly in subspace and I need escape and fantasy right now!!

We switched our blogs over to the new blogger this morning. It's got some neat features. I really wanted to post for Master in my devotion's blog today. I'll post in Journey later when the time is up for comments. 5 pm PST/8 EST. I miss Master. I am craving His dominance. The security I feel in His arms. sometimes I think I love him so much my heart will explode! I just feel so bad for being so bitchy and unsubmissive the last week. I appreciate all that He puts up with and I will admit that Him taking me even though I fought it last night was ONE HECK of a turn on!!! He didn't care about the blood...put His fist into my pussy and pumped out a HUGE orgasm!! I love when He has that Darth voice...sends me right over the edge. Makes me want to submit even during times I fight it. I fell asleep so happy after my very long stressful day yesterday...in His arms, in His love.

I'm listening to Yanni's Nightingale right now. SOOOOO beautiful!! Do you remember Master driving in Oregon to this song last summer??? All that beauty!! I remember being at Yanni's concert and crying to this song because of how beautiful it is and how it moves me. We loved it so much that we played it at our wedding...the song came on exactly as we cut the cake....what a beautiful memory of one of the most special days of my life. I love you Master!!! Words can't describe how much I truly love you and adore YOU!!!

Off to start my cleaning...really looking forward to getting some things done I couldn't with my back problems last week. I'm going to vacume and do the kitchen floor and air out the place. I LOVE a clean place!! Will make me feel good. I did dye my hair honey blonde last night and I'm feeling sexy today...and can't wait for a sexy and handsome Anakin skywalker to come home to me....maybe Darth can come out during the big paddling tonight?? Fuck me hard up my ass or pussy??

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

Rainy day and Mondays

2007-01-22T08:08:00.000-08:00

Another rainy day today and my least favorite day of the week, Monday. Yuck!! Will it ever get sunny again? I'm so tired of the rain. At least it's washing the snow away so I can get back to my walks. I'm tired today from not enough sleep. Master Anakin and I were working a lot on the Journey to the Darkside blog. It's exciting to see the new header and all the new changes on there. It really needed to be cleaned up. I am coming off a really nice playful weekend and I'm tired and pms is starting to hit. My period feels like it's going to start at any minute. I hate this time of the month and I know that my sex drive will go from very high to zero in a day. My period kills all my sex drive and also will make me bitchy and irritable as anything.

I have been thinking a lot about Harrison Hot springs lately. I can't believe we never made it to our special place by the lake all of last year. We always go. I miss going there. I really hope we can try to make it for our three year wedding anniversary in April. I'm supposed to fly out and visit my family but I admit that I am avoiding them right now. My mother always gets weird and so do I around this time of the year. The anniversary of my bah bah's death is coming up and it's always a reminder of our loss. I tossed and turned a lot last night thinking of her. I wonder when it will get easier. It will be 9 years coming up since she passed away and the pain still feels fresh in my heart. I miss her so much.

I love this photo of Anakin and padme by the lake at naboo kissing. It reminds me of Harrison and our lake that we spent our honeymoon at. It's such a beautiful place. I still have dreams of one day retiring and spending out my days with Master there. There is absolute beauty and a truly magical place and I love going there.

I'm going to try to rest today. I have another chiropractor appointment tonight but this one should get my back completely back to normal. I hope to get back into my boxing again but I need to be cleared first by him. I feel bad for not keeping up with my chiro enough.

I miss Master and love him so much!! I had a wonderful weekend. I loved our play and all we did but most of all, I loved our date that we had on Saturday. Going to the soda shop and having lunch together. I love when we spend time together like that. :)

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

2007-01-19T17:56:00.001-08:00

You and I Collide

I was watching a bunch of Star wars videos on You Tube. I saw this one and decided to post it for Master. I love this song and it makes me think of Master....

I'm thinking a lot of Master today. Feeling bad for trying to push him away. I love him and miss him today and I hope he remembers....you and I will collide sometimes but love will get us through the rough times on our journey...

May the force be with you, Master...

~padme

2007-01-19T17:56:00.000-08:00

Padme's heart

I've been watching You tube today and saw this video and the words really moved me. It's called padme's heart and I can relate to it a lot. I always felt like there was a lot of padme that is like myself. I just had to post this for Master...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

Domestic slave today

2007-01-18T12:11:00.000-08:00

I am feeling like a domestic slave today. I am going to get to work after lunch on some cleaning that I've been meaning to do. It's a good sign when I'm in my cleaning mode. It means I am not as depressed as I was earlier in the week. When I get depressed I don't want to do anything and housework doesn't seem to get done. I love to clean. It's great therapy. At least my arthritis isn't acting up as bad. It's warmed up enough that it's raining, not snowing today. So it's not as cold out. I went out for my walk to the school and it felt good to get fresh air but gross to walk through all the slush. ewww. I can't wait til Spring.

I saw this picture of Britney spears with the snake and am putting it up for Master today. I was curious what snake (of the two we saw at the sex show) she had in that video. It's the yellow one. I kind of wish we would have waited to get the picture with the snake. Snakes intrigue me. Most people get scared but I'm way more scared of spiders than snakes. Of course, Snakes on a plane was a bit too much. I don't like anaconda's or snakes that can kill like that.

Master and I had some time last night after the kid's were in bed. It felt great to lock our door and go into our own world for an hour. I really needed the release. He wanted to spank me and we had to be somewhat quiet so I was able to talk him into the razor strop. It's my favorite toy and very erotic. I wanted to be spanked with it so much. It felt wonderful. The bites of the strop into my ass..making it glow and warm up. He was gentle but yet dominant with me last night. Our love making wasn't too rough but more just loving and D/s like. He kissed me as he entered me and we rode the waves of our love. He felt so good. I love the feel of him inside of me. I fell asleep so content.

I wanted to put up two lines from the song, I'm a slave for you by Britney that is going to Master today and the picture of her with the sexy snake...

I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.
I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it.

Well I'm going to get to my lunch and then to work on a few different things on my To Do list. :) I love being a domestic slave for Master....

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

When you love someone...

2007-01-17T13:50:00.000-08:00

I tried to post two videos from You Tube but it wasn't working. I have been trying to find the right words for Master today. I'd like him to know how much I miss him. I miss our force. I miss Him!! I feel bad that there have been some bumps in our journey lately. I did a blog post yesterday and then I deleted it. I am trying hard to feel better and recover from my depression I have been feeling. As I write this I am crying. I feel alone and I wish I could be in His strong arms. My heart is so fragile right now. I saw some Anakin and padme videos and were moved by their love. Reminds me so much of Master and I. I remember watching Revenge of the Sith with him and feeling a real connection with that movie and Him. I called Him Anakin that night as we role-playing we were Anakin and padme. This was before our blog and Journey to the Darkside.

I always felt a part of Anakin and padme were in us. We had forbidden love at one point of our relationship. I was married and he was my affair. The first few times we made love we were not sure we would even stay together. It was about lust in the beginning. Two best friend's who couldn't deny their sexual attraction any longer after seven years of being best friend's. I had fantasies about Him for years before we finally were together. I wanted Him but I felt shy to let Him know. I remember the sex...god how hot it was in those early days. Exploring each other's bodies and trying to cover up a very hot affair we were having. I was thinking about our Sunset Blvd night and the night we went to the Hyatt. I can still remember every detail of that night. I had no idea if we would even see each other again or what our future held but I didn't care. I was craving Him. Needing Him. Wanting Him.

I felt strange being in the train station on Saturday when we went to the sex show. It was like a vivid flashback of that night. So much has changed since those early days. We are now married and people accept us together now. The affair has been forgotten (well from everyone except for my ex husband who I think still has a grudge) and people have moved on with their lives. It was a tough time in my life with my ex moving out and us ending our marriage but yet the lust and intense sexual energy in those days got me through it. We did get together and we have stayed together for all of these years.

I think after ten years together the lustful "honeymoon" stage tends to wear out. It gets harder to squeeze in play or spankings with two young children around. The karate, his work, the in law's being close, early bedtimes etc...) all make it close to impossible to get intimate and play. Our sex life isn't like the early days. We used to fuck many times a day in many different ways. Now we are lucky to fuck once a week or when we can squeeze in some time. I wish sometimes my sex drive wasn't so high. I feel like I frustrate Master by my sexual needs. I wish we could go back in time to that beginning stage sometimes. I know it can't be though. Time goes on and the past is the past.

Saturday night was hard to come down and our threesome with Master R was so intense and sexual and erotic. It has been hard to go from fantasy like that to reality. I didn't want it to end. I worry sometimes about Master seeing me with another man in a sexual way. He watched us fuck on Saturday night. I wondered how he felt about it. I think a part of me feels guilty right now and I'm trying to get a handle it. I'm not used to having an ongoing relationship with a married man. In the past it was just spankings and discipline. We'd meet and I didn't need to know much about him. I was content to just play and have fun. He's private and I accepted that about him. I didn't ask questions and I was fine with that. Ever since it's turned sexual I find myself wondering about Master R. Feeling like the "other woman" in our relationship. We met and we fuck and play now. He hurts me and he will put me into subspace. I let him see parts of me that only Master Anakin has seen. Then he disappears for days and then comes back into the picture when he's horny and needing a release. I've been wondering a lot about his other slaves. Who are they? What does he do with them? He told me at one time he had three slaves and his wife. Is that still true? Does he have more? It's literally driving me crazy right now.

I feel uncertain about the future with Master R. I also feel a bit guilty that I play with another man but yet he has no other women he plays with. He didn't even play with amber. He only watched her and I together. I am really trying to sort out my feelings about the poly. I do enjoy playing with other's but it just feels like a bit of a strange relationship with Master R.

So many ramblings today. Feelings that I wanted to get out. I know that I probably just need a spanking right now. It would help focus me and center me. Too many days without one and I start to get cranky and go all over the place. I hope we are able to find time tonight for each other. I really need Master right now. I was listening to a song on You Tube and wanted to put up the lyrics to it for Master. It's called When you love someone and it's by Bryan Adams. This song brought tears to my eyes. This is going out to Master today....

When you love someone - you'll do anything
You'll do all the crazy things that you cant explain
You'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone
Youll deny the truth - believe a lie

There'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly
But your lonely nights - have just begun
When you love someone
When you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside
And nothin else can ever change your mind

When you want someone - when you need someone
When you love someone...When you love someone - you'll sacrifice
Youd give it everything you got and you won't think twice
You'd risk it all - no matter what may come
When you love someone
Youll shoot the moon - put out the sun

When you love someone

.....

I'm a little better than yesterday. Yesterday was a really bad day. Today I got out for my first walk in a week due to all the snow and ice. It felt great being out in the fresh air.

May the force be with you, Master....I love you!

~padme

Coming down from the weekend

2007-01-15T11:33:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to come down from the weekend. So much happened and it was so exciting and a wonderful time. We took this photo outside of Canada Place where the Taboo Naughty but Nice sex show was being held. The sun was starting to set and it was so peaceful and beautiful. You can see the Lions Gate bridge and Stanley park and also North Vancouver in the photo. I love going downtown. So many memories of Master and I there. The air was so crisp and Master and I enjoying a few minutes alone. Master R was still inside the sex show and we wanted to enjoy the moment of the sun going down and the ocean smell. It was a really beautiful moment for Master and I. I enjoyed Saturday so much. The day and night were so naughty and exciting! I wrote about some of the sex show on my Saturday post at Journey to the Darkside.

We came back to a evening with no kid's and Master R coming over for a visit. It was intense and very erotic. The new porno was awesome. I enjoyed everything about the evening. I came several times. I just found that I was crashing yesterday from it all. Maybe it was staying up so late on Saturday night or my shoulder being a bit off but I had no energy at all yesterday. I'm surprised I even got dressed. I am still coming down a bit from it all.

Last night I curled up with Master and watched some Family Guy and also the Night Listener. That movie was pretty interesting. I really enjoyed having some time to snuggle and just be together. I had no energy for any play or much of anything last night. I'm glad he was also in the mood to just hold each other and watch the movie.

It's supposed to snow again tonight and it's so cold out. I tried to go work out today but it's freezing cold in our basement. I really hope to get back to my regular work outs soon. I miss them.

I put up a survey on this blog and also Journey to the Darkside today. Please vote!! I'm curious what people would spank me with if they had the chance. I've been spanked by many people in my life and hope that there are many more spankings in the future with different people. :)

I decided to put up one advertisement on padme's devotions. This is to JT's stockrom. The reason is because I am trying to earn enough through my affiliate program there to get a new English Tawse that I have been drooling over through them. :)

I hope Master Anakin is having a good day and I hope he knows that I miss him so much!

May the force be with you all!

~padme

State of Arousal

2007-01-12T11:41:00.000-08:00

I'm in a state of arousal this morning. I'm alone today. My in law's took my son and I have the day free. Master phoned me this morning and told me to cum for Him. He told me to get my Hitachi and put the clothespins on my nipples. I was to cum thinking of Him and the cane. To fantasize about the caning he gave me and how much more I might get this weekend. He knows of my fears of the cane. He knows this will deeply arouse me. He gets into my mind and fantasies. I rubbed my clit until I couldn't take it anymore and I came. I phoned him to let him know I had cum and he then tells me to get the Anakin's paddle and paddle my ass for him. I am to self spank. 25 on each cheek HARD. I do as I am told. I then take a shower with the warm water rubbing down my body and glowing ass. The water makes me feel aroused as it cleans me. I am feeling so aroused....

All I can think of is HIM. Master. The man who I belong to. The man who teaches me and trains me to be the best submissive slave I can be. He pushes me because he loves me. He pushes me hard. Lately he's taken me to the edge. I can see over the edge...and it's a bit scary but deeply arousing. I take His pain for Him. I focus on Him. I feel so submissive towards Him. I love that he can take me to the edge and tell me to "jump over it" for Him. It's like he has me in a state of mind at all times...so focused on His desires and needs.

We have such a great sex life. We are electric in bed. There are days like today that all I can think of is sucking His cock. Pleasing him with my mouth. Wanting to taste His cum. To smell him. To feel Him. To have His energy combined with mine...O/our heaven.

I've been in subspace for two days. Floating....feeling aroused...my pussy always wet and needing Him...

I'm so aroused and horny...so kinky today. I want to fuck Him. I'd love to have him inside of me...pounding away at me....making me cum again and again. Please Master...cane me more. Take Your cane and make me bleed. Make me beg. Make me squirm as the blows come down on my flesh for YOU!!

I am YOURS...I belong to YOU....You are my force....my darkness and my light....

Forever...

I am Your padme!!

Tommorow is the sex show and I can't wait. Master and I plan to take our camera and have lots of fun!! I can't wait to be in "our downtown" with Master. So many memories there for us. So many more memories to make there. I LOVE being down there with Him. I can't wait!! I'm so pumped !!! Tonight is play night and I can't wait to be with Him. Him...him...him....it's all about HIM today!!

May the force be with you!!

~padme

Basking in subspace

2007-01-11T12:04:00.000-08:00

As I type this post I am in full subspace and it feels wonderful. I feel so submissive and focused on Master. He's been home for two days and we have played a lot and fucked a lot and spent a lot of time together. He has been so intense...so Darth like. He's turned me on like I havn't been turned on in a long time. I feel almost drunk right now but havn't had any alcohol at all. A floating sensation. He caned me last night. The kid's were fast asleep and we went upstairs to our bedroom and locked the door. He used the cane hard on me. I tried to fight subspace but at a certain point I gave into the pain. He broke my skin on my ass in several places. Delicious pain...a most amazing feeling of subspace overcame me. He took pictures of my caned ass. I am not sure if we will put them up in Journey to the Darkside or not but he knows I like the pictures to look at them. It's a mental game. I misbehave and he will tell me to look at the photos...imagine him doing that to my ass again.

I love his pictures. I love his HNT he put up this week. He's been talking about doing an erotic photography blog just to post his different pictures. I really hope he will. He's so good and there are so many pictures we have not shared on our blog. I hope he will consider this.

He fucked me hard after the caning last night...took me so roughly. I love having sex like that. The beating he gave me with His cane followed by some of the most incredible sex!!! My pussy so wet. His cock so hard. He wanted to let me know I was His. That I belong to Him. I had no doubts. My aching ass...my throbbing pussy....my need of submission. I wanted him so much. He fucked me hard. He got hard from the caning. He got hard from my screams and moans into the comforter as the cane came down hard without stopping. He told me my ass was hot when he was done. And that it was beautiful. He said he watched my expression as he caned me. That I was closing my eyes and trying to give into it and that it was truly beautiful.

We havn't played like this in a while. So rough...so D/s like. After we were done fucking he gave me the biggest orgasm. I couldn't move after. I could barely walk to the bathroom. I touched my ass and felt blood. I saw the expression of dominance in his eyes. I came back to him and he held onto me. He wanted me to hold onto the feeling. I curled into a ball and just felt the pain and pleasure in me. The feeling of submission that he got from my heart and soul. I fell asleep so deeply...dreamt of Him as he ordered me to do.

"Dream of me, slave" He ordered.

And I did and it was a erotic dream. I awoke to Him watching over me. The look of dominance in His eyes. He wanted to see my ass and the bruises. He touched them and he smiled at me. He is pleased. He knows that I am in full subspace today. Still floating. Still feeling so submissive and focused on my serving Him. Wondering what I can do to make him happy...to make him pleased.

Right now I feel 100% submission...I want to please him. I feel so focused on him. My force is strong but it runs through him...through his dominance. We are a force together. United. Strong. My ass is so bruised and welted and I can barely sit down without feeling pain. I love Master...I love him more than any other man in my whole life. He feds me my desire for pain. He knew I was craving this. I want to hold onto this feeling...spend the day with him serving him and making him happy and pleased.

I've been housebound for a few days. The snow kept falling yesterday. I havn't been able to do my walks. I'm trying to keep on my strict diet and exercises. I plan to do a bunch of housework today to get my work out in. The basement is so cold to work out in. I'm so happy to spend the extra time with Master. We are going to the sex show on Saturday and I'm really looking forward to that. He told me we'll find a way to get there. We'll take the skytrain. We have never been to one before. I'm so curious about the toys and different things we might find. :)

I wish I could feel this way all the time...my submissive feelings brought out and my desire to please him so strong. I love to be owned. I love to be His slave. I sometimes wonder what I would do without Him controlling me like he does. There is a need in me so strong. A need for pain and a need to be submissive to Him. One of my goals for 2007 is to true new things with him and take our D/s to a new level. I hate myself when I am fighting my submission feelings. I want to truly give into Him. To give him my gift of true submission without any fight.

I really, really love Him. He is the only thing on my mind today. I hope He is pleased with me. I hope he enjoyed hurting me. I hope my suffering last night made Him happy. He told me he's trying to train me. Trying to mold me into the slave that he desires. He wants my full attention. I intend to give this to him and to truly submit my whole being and soul to Him.

The darkside is around us right now. I love this level of D/s. The TPE. The total control over what I do. I love him watching over me and directing my every move. He tells me to do and I do it. So simple but yet so erotic and so true. I wonder if he knows what he does to me. How I am in awe of his dominance. So aroused when he snaps at me with his "army voice" or he grabs me my throat to look into his eyes. I love the intensity. I love the darkside with Him...the Darth. He is the one to bring out my true submissive heart and feelings. To bring out a subspace so intense that it lasts for days...I'm floating right now...floating on a subspace highway....towards a journey that we both love of me becoming His in every way...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

New changes

2007-01-08T09:26:00.000-08:00

I am enjoying some new changes in my life. My work outs are going well. I took Saturday off but even then I still did my long walk. I did enjoy some Pizza Hut pizza (vegetarian) for dinner as a treat. I am on a modified Body for Life rountine. I work out/strict diet for six days and take one day off which is Saturday. My weigh in is Sunday. This week I lost two pounds. I can feel more energy and feel a bit of body fat off different parts of me. Today my kid's are back in school and I plan to do my walk to and from school but on a different path which is longer and a bit harder of a workout. The first week is always the hardest with starting the fitness and work outs. I'm glad to be having more energy. I was feeling so sluggish at the end of Dec.

We got a used exercise bike. My ex sold it to us for thirty bucks. Good deal. It looks like we have our own personal gym now downstairs. Between the elliptical and boxing equipment and weights and sit up thing and now our bike. I am happy as there are times I am not walking and need to exercise.

Master bought me a new pair of runner's yesterday for my walking. I really needed them. Thank you Master!! He also allowed me to get my hair cut. A new change for my hair was needed and feels great. I got it cut into a short bob cut. It's very cute and more manageable, especially with my work outs. I also bought a new hair dye and this time I'm trying a new color. I'm seeking new changes in my life this year. It feels really good.

I also got a new collar that I can wear out in public. This one has a heart with my birthstone in it. Master wants me to wear my collars at all times, except in bath or shower. I really love this new one. The changes feel really good.

I see the chiropractor on Saturday and that should be good. The boxing has been a bit hard on my back lately but I do feel it getting stronger. I'm looking forward to the sex show also in Vancouver that we are going to on Saturday. Should be fun! :)

I'm hoping to start on a few other changes this week. I'd like to get our bedroom into shape and work on a few projects I have been wanting to. I should be done my cleaning kit by the end of the week also. I am feeling positive and content. I have asked Master to push me and he's been doing a really good job at my personal trainer. Thank you Master!!

Well I should try to eat my breakfast and then get ready for my big walk. I wanted to do a quick post for Master this morning while he's at work. I am thinking of him and missing him...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

2007-01-05T16:23:00.000-08:00

My Humps

I am dedicating this song tonight to my good friends, Griz and good girl. I hope they are enjoying their night. :)

May the force be with you!!

~padme

2007-01-05T12:17:00.000-08:00

Million Dollar Baby Trailer

I'm posting this for my personal trainer today. The trailer to Million Dollar Baby. I want to thank you, Master for pushing me this week. I asked you to go hard on me and you have and I am thriving and doing so well with my training.

I have a dream and this movie reminds me that I can live it if I have heart...

I love you Master...

May the force be with you!!

~padme

Strange day

2007-01-04T14:24:00.000-08:00

Today has been a bit of a strange day for me. I havn't posted too many real posts here at padme's devotions for Master Anakin and have some time and decided to blog. Today is my mom and Dad's birthday. They were born on the same day. So I got to talk to both of them. Strange that my Dad decided to pick up the phone and call me for a change. I don't remember the last time that happened. There are many different family things going on. I admit I am a bit worried about my brother. I had a long talk with my mom about addictions. I quess many different people in my family have faced different addictions. She told me that "everyone has some type of addiction". That gave me a lot to think about on my walk today. What are my addictions. I tried to deny to her that I have any but the truth is...yes, I've had my own types of addictions.

I have a food addiction. I had an eating disorder when I was young and have always had problems with my weight. I either eat too little or too much. The last few months I have eaten way too much. Food has been a comfort to me. I also think I've had an internet/computer addiction during different times of my life. Last summer I was on the computer all the time and was way too into V/t than R/t. I also think I have a problem with alcohol. This was a hard one to admit to. I drank way too much during certain times of my life to cope with family issues or problems. It's easy to just pour a glass of wine or grab a beer and try to drink my worries away. During the holidays I was drinking way too much to cope with stress and to ease some of my emotional pain. I know many others in my family who also drink too much and have struggled with this.

It made me wonder if I am addicted to pain/endorphins. I couldn't seem to go a few days without wanting to feel pain...whether on my ass or to cut myself. I have always tried to seek an endorphin high. It feels good to feel in subspace. I used to run cross country in school to achieve the runner's high. I would cut myself to feel pain/endorphins in high school. I have done many things to myself to achieve subspace/endorphin high. I never thought of this til today that this could also be an addiction.

I am really glad to have Master as my personal trainer right now and to keep me on track. I am craving the control right now. Our D/s is stronger than it's been in a long time. Everything is being controlled right now. From the moment I wake up I am aware I am his slave and he has kept me on track with my goals.

So what are my goals for 2007....

1. To lose weight and gain a more athletic body. I am currently at 184 pounds. Last year at this time I was at 165. This is a 20 pound gain and I can feel it on my back, neck, and upper body. I am not happy with my body image right now. I am to lose at least one pound a week or face Master's punishment for me. I will do some type of physical exercise every day.

2. To get back into my boxing again. I box to relieve stress and tension the healthy way. This has always helped me to get mentally strong as well as physically. I hope one day to get more into this in a pro type of way.

3. To hike the Grouse Grind. It's a famous hiking trail that is hard to do and I've always wanted to do this. You have to be in shape to be able to do it though so I hope to get into shape enough to hike it in the spring.

4. To get healthy again. To not eat red meats anymore. To get back on track with my health, visiting the Doctor/dentist/chiropractor on a regular basis. To get my blood pressure back to normal. I will eat healthier this year.

5. To be a better mother, slave, friend, sister, daughter etc..... I feel like I've lost touch with many friend's and my family. I don't want to hide in the dark anymore. I really want to submit more to Master and let him control more aspects of my life. I thrive under his control and guidance.

6. To let go of the past. This should be my number one goal right now. I spent way too much of 2006 stuck in the past. Thinking of people who didn't want to be my friend or want to be with me anymore. Thinking of my Dad and feeling angry etc.. This year I want to surround myself with positive energy and those who want to be in my life and let go of the past. This is extremely important in order for me to be happy in my life.

7. To end any addictions that I have whether that's to food, endorphins, and alcohol. I need to eat healthy. I need to not cut myself. I need to not drink to ease any emotional pain. I need to seek healthier outlets to relieve stress, tension, frustration and anger.

8. To maybe try to get back into church more. I've missed it and really crave religion in my life right now.

9. To keep on track of my housework. To try to finish a few projects that I have been wanting to do.

10. To learn to say no. I have always been so submissive to others that I give more than gets given back. I will learn to be stronger emotionally and say no. I have had a hard time with this with my parent's and my siblings especially.

11. To keep up with my blog's. I wasn't doing a very good job towards the end of last year and want to blog more. This blog was meant to tell Master how I am feeling and be honest in it about how I am feeling. I will try to do that more for him. I want to communicate more with Master in 2007.

I will post my rules on another post. Master wanted to know my goals so here they are. I hope I am not forgetting any. I did a hard work out today although a part of me did consider skipping it. I know that's not allowed and Master was pushing me...and kept asking me on g mail if I had done it yet. So I went and it felt worth it and really good. I got the I Pod out and went for a hard and fast walk and then boxed for 20 minutes, 10 minutes elliptical and also 40 sit ups. It gave me energy after and I am feeling good now. I'm so glad for my personal trainer who is training me. :)

I'm really glad for my friends, Griz and good girl. They are also starting out with their fitness and resolutions and it's helped me a lot. I have often tried to make changes alone but this time my really good friend's are helping me on my journey. I'm really glad they are letting me come on their journey with it also. They are letting me do quotes for the fitness and encouraging me. They are really true friend's and become very important to me. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. :)

A strange day but also a good one. I've done a lot of soul searching and I did a good work out and I am working through my issues to become healthier emotionally and physically. I realized today I need to get healthier in a emotional way as much as physical. Working through my issues is important and will help me be healthier emotionally. I am a strong woman. A submissive does not have to be weak. I can be strong and still be submissive. Master is helping me to be where I want to be...and I am so happy! I feel differences in me already even after a few days.

May the force be with you!

~padme

2007-01-03T10:12:00.000-08:00

Rocky 3 Training

I am posting this for my trainer today. I needed some inspiration for my workout this morning. I've got to go out in the rain and then come back and do my boxing. Thank you for pushing me, Master. I love you and miss you today.

I went on you tube to find rocky stuff and saw this training from Rocky 3 which has always inspired me. :)

I love you!
May the force be with you!
~padme

Happy New Year!

2006-12-27T10:11:00.000-08:00

Hosted By SparkleTags.com

Happy Holidays!!

2006-12-18T08:41:00.000-08:00

Hosted By SparkleTags.com

Holiday meme

2006-12-12T09:20:00.000-08:00

I got this holiday meme from danae. It looked good and wanted to give it a try. :)

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate with a little vodka in it. :)

2. Does Santa wrap the presents or just set them under the tree? Santa usually puts the presents in the stockings or just under them unwrapped.

3. Colored or white lights on the tree/house? Colored. This year we invested in LED lights for the outside lights. They look amazing!! I love lots of different colors in the lights.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Yes!! There's nothing better than a kiss under the mistletoe!

5. When do you put up your decorations? Usually the end of November or beginning of Dec.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Homemade Russian perogies (got the recipe from my Bah Bah)

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Hmm....not really sure. I enjoyed the memories of my Bah Bah (Russian for Grandma) and grandpa visiting for Christmas and being excited as their car drove up...eating my Bah Bah's perogies and enjoying my holiday time with her.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa ? I think I was around 5-6 years old when I learned the truth. I stayed up late with my brother waiting for Santa and saw my parent's putting out the gifts.

9. Do you open gifts on Christmas Eve? Yes, Master and I do a private gift opening to one another on that night usually. Any gifts which can't be opened in front of our kid's get opened that night in private.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Ornaments, (we have collected many through the years) lots of garland, LED lights, candy canes, red bows, and a beautiful star that twinkles at the top of it.

11. Snow! Love or Dread it? I love it because we don't get much around Vancouver, BC and seldom have a white christmas.

12. Can you ice skate? Sort of. lol. Not for many years though.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? One of my favorite gifts was from Master Anakin one year. He gave me the book 9 1/2 weeks and a white blindfold to go with it. Also, when I was pregnant with our son I invested in a big tv for us for christmas and surprised Master! It was the most I ever spent on a christmas gift before.

14. What is the most important thing about the Holidays for you? my kid's and creating wonderful and special family memories with them that they will take into their adulthood. I love the magic of christmas through their eyes. My son still believes in santa this year and it's been priceless to see his reactions to it.

15. Favorite holiday dessert? Pumpkin pie with whipped cream. I also love sugar cookies.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? We always take one night just before Christmas to go on the christmas train at Bear Creek park and then go christmas light looking. We have a terrific area with lots of different houses which go all out with their displays. We make it a very special night for our family. I also love Christmas eve and when I get private time with Master to open our gifts to one another.

17. What tops your tree? A beautiful twinkling star that is my absolute favorite decoration we have bought through the years.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Giving

19. What is your favorite Christmas song? Jingle Bell Rock and I'll be home for christmas

20. Candy Canes? Love em!!

I'm not tagging anyone but feel free to do the tag!!!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

In the darkness and in the light

2006-12-09T10:44:00.000-08:00

"I truly, deeply love you. Before we die, I want you to know." - quote from padme

I planned to do a blog post on Journey to the Darkside today about all my sadness and feelings. I decided to instead try to post through some of my feelings inside of me this morning. I need to believe that love will get us through..find a way through the stress and holidays and distance between us. The last two weeks have been very difficult. There has been a lot of fighting going on. Differences between us. Family stress, holiday stress, work stress and a lack of time together during the week has all built up in both of us. It's taken it's toll on our relationship. Last night I was expecting a heavy play night or at least a spanking. I spent all day thinking about it and getting ready for it. I shaved my pussy and got ready for him. I was disappointed as Master was too tired to spank or play. He fell asleep when putting our son down and then I woke him up only to get a grumpy Master. I need to realize that it's not always about me and my needs. Master works hard and is up early every morning. He's older and he gets tired. I got very angry as I had a very intense night planned and it didn't happen. It's not just about last night though. It's about two weeks of not feeling connected to him. Of things just being different with us. Last night was the icing on the cake for us.

Tonight is our overnight. I'm not sure what we have planned. I admit I feel very off. I don't know which way to turn. Emotionally it's been a very stressful few days with a serious lack of sleep and constant worries. I hope we can turn things around for tonight. I need Master. I need Darth!! I need a spanking. I need to feel his control. I have felt like I've been drowning. I had a dream last night that I was floating in the water...trying to keep above water...trying to keep from drowning. I'm trying to reach out to anyone...to Master...and no one is helping me. That's how I have been feeling. I am lost. I am afraid the same thing will happen tonight that has happened the last few nights...fighting. When do we get back to Master and slave? I just really need to feel his control and strength. I've been ignoring some rules and I think it's been my way of trying to get his attention. I know this isn't the best way to do it but I am not sure what else to do.

Ramblings this morning...so much inside of me. I just hope our overnight goes well. That we can reconnect. That our love will find a way through our issues and problems. I love Master. He's my soulmate and my love...I really want to work this out. I really want to feel close to him again. Cause in my heart I truly, deeply love him. Just like padme loved Anakin, in the darkness and in the light.

May the force be with you, Master...

~padme

2006-12-09T10:42:00.000-08:00

the breakfast club music video

Do you remember Master when we role played Bender and Claire?? Gawd that was a hot night. I remember it like it was yesterday. I saw this video and knew you loved this song so much...

For you..today...

May the force be with you!

~padme

2006-12-08T13:48:00.000-08:00

Showgirls

Tried to put another video up but it didn't work. Saw this and wanted to post it...

Gawd...I'm so horny and have a bit of time alone...going to go grab my vibrator and go upstairs and masturbate. I know I am not allowed to cum but I just have to touch myself!!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

2006-12-08T08:59:00.000-08:00

rocky balboa / rocky VI trailer

Yeah!! Go Rocky Go!! I can't wait til this movie comes out. I've seen every single Rocky movie a hundred times. I'm going to be there opening day!!

I never thought there would be another Rocky movie so this is soooooo cool!!

Makes me want to get back into my boxing again!! God I miss it!!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

Quiz

2006-12-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

According to experts, I am :

71% NaughtyTake the Naughty Quiz at JokesUnlimited.com

2006-12-06T14:43:00.000-08:00

Naughty Girl

I'm in a naughty girl mood right now...feeling sexy and so horny. Who wants to cum over and play with me???

This song is going out to Master right now...working away at work...

I want you BAD Master!! Cum home soon!!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

Interesting quiz from searabbit

2006-12-05T13:54:00.000-08:00

Quiet day

2006-12-04T15:11:00.000-08:00

I have not updated my blog in a while and wanted to at least write something down about some feelings going around in me today. Sometimes it helps to sort things out for me by writing them down. I saw on my stats only 40 people came here yesterday. So not many people are reading this blog. Journey to the Darkside is more of a spanking blog and I try to keep it positive and find it's hard to write with so many people reading that blog every day. The purpose of this blog is to write to Master Anakin and tell him how I am feeling. It's a way for us to communicate with one another.

It's Monday and usually it's the most difficult day of the week for me. To come off a really relaxing and playful weekend has been hard but I've been more quiet than depressed today. It was raining today and very yucky and I had done most of my housework. I got a call from my best friend, S today and we caught up on things. We havn't talked much lately. Her grandma died and she was a bit upset about it. I got the call that our son was going to his grandparent's and I had some free time. I decided to throw on a DVD and curl up in the livingroom by the fire. I put in Killing me Softly which is one of my favorite movies.

I've seen it a few times and I find the movie really makes me think about Master and I. Our passion is so intense sometimes. I often wonder how rough it will get...how far will we go in our play. On Friday I got one of the most intense spankings in our relationship. Our play got very rough and very intense. I wanted it so much. It turned me on so much. Why is it that I want to go farther? Why does the bruises all over my thighs turn me on the way they do? Saturday I could barely sit down but yet I was feeling so happy and content...so intensely close to Master Anakin. It was like my whole focus was on him...and I was feeling more submissive than I had in years. It was intense that it almost scared me. I felt swallowed up whole by my emotions on Saturday and again asked for rough play. So saturday again we played rough with more spankings even though my ass was already very bruised and sore. I wanted to sore...I wanted to go father...

Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me for liking things as rough as I do. Master and I had a good talk about endorphins and when I started to feel feelings like subspace. I was very young the first time I felt endorphins. I was a cutter and cut myself and also was a cross country runner and I pushed myself to get the runner's high that one feels when their body has been pushed so far. I think perhaps I have always been like this. I need to feel subspace...I am a pain addict. I need to feel pain to feel alive, to feel turned on, to feel content and happy. I think today I realized that for the first time. I *need* spankings. It's not a want, it's a need. I go for so long and I start to crave it, fantasize about and think about it non stop. Maybe I need to start a spanko anonomous group. lol.

Sometimes on days like today while watching that movie I wondered how far Master Anakin and I will go. I wanted to masturbate but I knew Master didn't want to allow it. I wanted him to come home and fuck me. To beat me. To spank me. To hurt me. So many masochistic thoughts swirling around in my head...so many fantasies inside of me today.

Today's a karate night so I won't see much of Master Anakin. I just feel like I need him to complete me right now. I am so lost without him...without his presence. I wish sometimes he was with me at all times. I need him sooooo much...

A quiet day...quiet thoughts...quiet mood...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

Snow day

2006-11-29T13:29:00.000-08:00

It just started to snow again and it's so cold out that I can't even open my door even for a minute. I have my fireplace going and even a few candles hoping to make the room warm. We are expected to get another dump of snow tonight. It's uncertain if Master or my kid's will be home or not tommorow. I have a feeling school might be cancelled if this continues throughout the night. I feel a bit trapped and it's making me a bit nuts from being home so much. I am not walking due to the snow and ice and I havn't boxed due to the freezing temp in the basement. So the lack of exercise is making me feel insecure and less energy lately. I need to find a way to bring my elliptical trainer upstairs to use.

I put up some new holiday blinkies here and on our other blog to help cheer me up and get more festive. I hope everyone likes them. :)

I really appreciate the comments on yesterday's post. I have been feeling very down the last few days from a combination of different things going on. This is a hard time of year for Master and I and it always brings up feelings for us both. Master Anakin has been a bit off from it all too. I can tell. He seems stressed and he says he's not feeling too well. So the D/s has slipped a bit lately too. I miss it a lot. I need it a lot. I don't feel too focused right now.

My focus has been a lot on my other blog, Journey to the Darkside today. There seems to be so much happening on it right now. Master wanted me to do the HNT picture today and it's a pretty good one. Very erotic. sparkle mentioned it on her blog. Master Anakin and I were featured in a double feature on Shay's The S Spot blog. Master submitted a cock photo for cockblogging Wednesday and also I submitted a pussy photo for cuntblogging Wed. This is a first for me. The first time I have put my pussy photo up publically. I am so shy about it. I'm not sure why but when it comes to my pussy, I havn't shown it to many people and I tend to get shy and insecure about it. I have shown countless people my tits but hardly anyone sees my pussy and I'm not sure why I am like that.

Sugasm also put our last week's HNT photo up on their blog. I was really excited to see that. It's a great photo. Master has been working hard on our HNT photos and putting a lot of effort into them. I talked about our Friday night it today's blog post. It made me feel a bit sad for some reason. I havn't felt very sexy lately and I havn't felt too close to Master. Maybe it's our lack of time together or the distance I have been feeling but I miss Master. I need to feel a connection to him again. I am really craving it.

Perhaps I just need a spanking. Sometimes a spanking just makes me feel better and less depressed and yucky and helps me focus.

Well our power has stayed on even with it going out shortly this morning. I sure hope it will stay on through this snow coming today. I want to bake Master brownies.

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

Cast Away Dreams

2006-11-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

I honestly have no idea who is or isn't reading this blog. The stats only show that less than 100 people are coming to this blog every day. I'm not sure why I don't post more. This is my own space to write whatever I want and how I feel. I should use this space for venting or just opening up. I admit it that today I am completely off. I write today to get emotions out of me and vent. Master is back at work and I'm stuck inside with two kid's all day. My arthritis is acting up and my period is just awful. My tummy is off and I feel emotional. Probably not the best mood to blog in. I'm going to try to stay positive even though I am feeling anything but.

I've been thinking about Lindsey Buckingham's song, Cast Away Dreams lately. What he said about that song at the concert really touched me. That song describes a lot of how I am feeling right now. I feel like there are some dreams that will not become reality. I am having to come to terms with a few things. As Dec. 3rd approaches it brings up bad memories. A dream that never came to be. A child that never made it. Master and I's child should be turning 9 years old. But because of my Dad's trial that never happened. That damn trial and it's stress. My Dad will never fully understand what it's like that I have to live with that.

There are no more babies and for some reason it's really hit me hard lately. I am only 34 years old. I want another baby so bad. I want to carry a child in my belly again. I want to feel kicks and plan for another newborn. Maybe it's that my kid's are growing up on me. Our son is turning 6 early next year and is so independant. I miss that feeling of a baby in my arms. I feel like lately I am aching for it. I am trying to understand Master's choice with the vasectomy. It just seems so permanent. To know that my child rearing days are over. I feel I am grieving it right now and coming to terms with the reality of no more babies in the future.

I havn't been feeling very controlled lately. Master seems off and distant the last few days. I feel very inner and dealing with many emotions lately. I think a part of me is wondering also if this is the end of the poly with us. After years of ups and downs with different people, Master seems fed up with it all. He doesn't seem to have any interest in going down that road anymore. He mentioned monogomy to me. I am honestly not sure how I feel about that. I think it's something we both need to sit down and talk about very soon.

I'm not sure how to let go of some dreams. I dream of a good relationship with my Dad but yet it's the same thing over and over again. I dream of another baby but I know that isn't happening. I dream of having another woman to love and be close to like schiava but that hasn't happened. My dreams of having the perfect poly relationship also seem to be drifting away. I have felt so much heart ache the last year with failed relationships with others. The ads have brought us close to different people only to lose contact after a few weeks. Many people seem to be looking for a fuck toy and that's not what I am. I know I have Master and I feel reassured by that. Will there ever be anyone else?? Will I love anyone else again?

I was thinking this morning of that song, Cast Away dreams and that moment at Stanley Park with Master. Looking out at the downtown from Stanley Park with that song playing. It was a magicial and perfect moment. I wish I could go back to that moment right now....

Lights and water
Kissing and touching
A warm car and warm hands
Eyes to eyes
Downtown Vancouver and the most perfect scenery
the song playing in the background
Lindsey's voice as we kiss
A magical moment between us
Feeling so much love and a connection with Master
lyrics from my heart

...the memory slips away as does the cast away dreams...

Cast Away Dreams - Lindsey Buckingham

Holy light visionary sight there's been a
change in plans

Going away no I cannot stay I hope
you'll understand

I won't be home tonight I'll just slip out
of sight

Lay down my visionary eyes dancing on
my cast away dreams

Keep yourself out of sight farewell to the
wishes that died

Look for me in the morning light dancing
on my cast away dreams

Magic one all our dreams are done I
have no faith today

Sun will rise in your newborn eyes just
let me slip away

I won't be home tonight I'll just slip out
of sight

Lay down my visionary eyes dancing on
my cast away dreams

Keep yourself out of sight farewell to the
wishes that died

Look for me in the morning light dancing
on my cast away dreams

It would do no good to drown in the sea
Where no one remembers their name
and nothing but nothing is free

Hearts will break with choices we must
make so sleep and dream of me

I won't be home tonight I'll just slip out
of sight

Lay down my visionary eyes dancing on
my cast away dreams

Keep yourself out of sight farewell to the
wishes that died

Look for me in the morning light dancing
on my cast away dreams

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

Monday blues

2006-11-27T09:35:00.000-08:00

I have some Monday blues going on today. I thought I better do a update for my blog as it's been about a week since I last posted. I saw this picture of different Anakin and padme's and it looked neat so I decided to put it up with my post. I'm very glad our power has stayed on through this snowfall the last few days. We've had our power flicker many times and I have been half expecting it to go out. It was a pretty busy weekend with our anniversary party and working on our daughter's school project due tommorow. We are also trying to start our huge Christmas list of things that must be done soon like Christmas cards and all our lights and ornaments up etc. We have our tree up already and our place looks very festive. What a crazy time of year though. I admit to feeling slightly overwhelmed by it all.

Master is home today as he works on top of a mountain and it snows more there than anywhere else. There's no way he could make it to work today. My kid's are home from school. I am having some horrible pms happening today. I am glad Master and I had some romantic time this weekend and time together. The snow was a romantic touch to Saturday night. I enjoyed hosting our party. I've become very close to a woman, D who I've known for many years. Recently we've become close and realized we have a lot in common. Master and I don't have too many friend's so it's nice to hang out with them. She is a submissive also even if she doesn't realize it. I can tell that she has a traditonal marriage also.

I have been feeling so tired lately. I think it's my lack of walking lately and that I havn't boxed in a few weeks. I miss it. Our basement is freezing. It's so cold that I don't want to stay down there more than a minute. So my boxing has suffered. I really hope to get back into it soon. It helps me with my stress release. I need a spanking today. I can just tell. The pms has built up inside of me. I have the monday blues and just feel blah. I want to eat chocolate and watch TV all day. Maybe Master and I can find some private time alone sometime today. I sure hope so...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

2006-11-22T10:21:00.000-08:00

Sting - Fields of Gold

Our wedding song and our special song that reminds me of our love, Master Anakin...

For you today...for our ten year anniversary tommorow...for the love of a lifetime..

I love you!

May the force be with you!

~padme

Ten year anniversary week

2006-11-20T14:59:00.000-08:00

It's our ten year anniversary Thursday but we celebrated on Saturday for our Lindsey Buckingham night. It was truly a night I will never forget. I wrote about it on Journey to the Darkside. I was busy most of today working on my interview with Tiggr today but wanted to do a quick update here too at padme's devotions. I like to keep up with both of my blogs. I also don't want to keep putting too many You Tubes up. Things look normal at least this week. Last week Master was home all week but we were busy with the power outage and dealing with all of that. I am so frustrated with hydro. What a experience. I'm glad we have power and have been trying to get back to normal. I have so much housework to catch up this week because of the power outage. I went Christmas shopping today at Wal mart.

I ran into a ex-Aunt of mine. She was my Aunt while she was with my Uncle but now they are no longer together. So I'm not sure if that makes her my Aunt or ex-Aunt. It was strange seeing her. She has changed a lot. We stood there for half a hour catching up. I hadn't seen her since 1995. I've missed her. I always liked her. We had a lot in common and still do apparently. It's too bad when people split up it has to affect your relationship with them. It was neat seeing her again.

I really, really, really enjoyed Lindsey Buckingham anniversary night. What a incredible escape!! It bonded Master and I. We are closer than ever and I'm trying to prepare for not seeing as much of him this week. We have a very busy week this week between all the karate's and also homework stuff going on with our kid's. Our daughter has a project she has to work on. I wish we had some time to have alone time yesterday but we were too tired.

I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday blinkies I put up here and on Journey to the Darkside. I love blinkies and I really enjoy trying to brighten up the blog's.

Ten years of ups and downs and lots of memories. I'm so glad I took a chance on love and told Master that I loved him. It changed my life for the better and I am where I am today because of it. I am very grateful to be with him and love him so much!!

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

2006-11-18T12:42:00.000-08:00

Trouble

Yeah Lindsey!! I'm going to be seeing you tonight, Lindsey Buckingham and I can't wait!!
Ten years with Master and a dream concert tonight...
Listening to Lindsey trying to get into the mood...
may the force be with you all!
BIG HUGS
padme

The darkside pulls us closer

2006-11-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

I've been putting a lot of You Tube up on this blog lately and wanted to do a real blog post even though it will be short as I have a few things I have to get done and want time with Master Anakin. As mentioned in my Journey to the Darkside post today I am doing really well and feeling happy. I havn't been online very much. I don't want to be online when Master is around. I feel focused on him and serving him. The darkside has been pulling us closer lately. We've gone down a dark path which has made us both happy and content in our roles as Master and slave. I feel so submissive in my heart and soul right now. It's a absolute need in me to make Master happy. To see his pride in my slavery.

Right now I feel so focused on him that I havn't thought of very much else. He's got me so focused like he is my force. Like he is my God. He's dominanted me and it's been awesome and made me feel like the happiest woman ever. He's spanked me and hurt me and made me cry for him. He's pushed my limits and pushed me to the edge. I crave more. More...more...more. Please spank me more. Please hurt me more. Please fuck me more. Please mistreat me and use me more. I can't get enough of his sadistic desires that he has been craving. We are in a similar space right now. He wants to control me and is home and able to control me 24/7 and I have him looking over my shoulder and must obey him.

That book, Submission has given me a lot to think about. Brought out many fantasies. Inspired some great communication. Master has gotten a chance to really know my desires and what I crave. I crave that same submission in that book....I know he has put a spell onto me that I can't break...I went into subspace on Saturday night and I havn't left it...I hope I can stay in this state of mind...

I'm so happy to have extra time with him with him being home today and tommorow. I feel so lucky and happy. This is a awesome week. Lindsey is coming up. A build up of some play and a night we both will never forget. I am afraid of something changing. I want to hold onto this feeling of peace and happiness. It's rare to feel this much peace in my heart. To feel this kind of submission. To feel such a need to please him.

The sex is better between Master and I than it's ever been. He knows my body and my mind so well. He just seems to know how to push the orgasms to make them so intense and huge. He seems to know how much I want to be spanked. To spank me where it will last. To use that cane so my ass bleeds and hurts for days. My darkside has been intense the last few days...I want to feel more...craving more....

The darkside is a beautiful place to be right now...

May the force be with you all!!

~padme

2006-11-12T14:36:00.000-08:00

Come - Lindsey Buckingham Fleetwood Mac - Phx., AZ July 2003

I have to post another one of Lindsey's best songs. I love how dark this song is. It's called Come. He does such good guitar work on this song and I just love his voice. 6 days til Lindsey. I'm counting down every second.

May the force be with you all!

~padme

2006-11-11T19:31:00.000-08:00

Fleetwood Mac - Big Love

I found out today that I am going to see Lindsey Buckingham (guitarist and singer from Fleetwood Mac) next Saturday! He's one of my favorite singers!! I think he's such a hottie!! I am listening to his music tonight and feeling so much happiness!! I don't want this feeling to end.

I love the song Big Love and love to look at Lindsey. I am still in shock that I really get to see him live again!! I can't wait!!

May the force be with you.

~padme